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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25213546">Bookstore Girl</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notawritershh/pseuds/Notawritershh'>Notawritershh</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - Human, Awkward Flirting, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Grief/Mourning, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Probably really confusing, What am I doing, i wrote this at 3am</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:35:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,904</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25213546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notawritershh/pseuds/Notawritershh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just as Doctor John Smith’s life is beginning to spiral out of control, he discovers a beautiful bookstore, and the even more beautiful girl working there</p><p> </p><p>If you're here from the Thasmin tag its mostly just chapter 14</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amy Pond/Rory Williams, Eleventh Doctor/Clara Oswin Oswald, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“The person, be it a gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid”<br/>
Clara read the quote painted on the wall for what must have been the thousandth time that day. The ticking clock behind her echoed the dripping of rain from the awning above the window, looking onto the street outside. Customers were few and far between, giving the bookshop a peaceful, if somewhat boring atmosphere.</p>
<p>“Timeless<br/>
Second Hand Book Store”<br/>
The fading sign outside was beginning to look miserable in the rain, the paint flaking away after years of abuse from the elements and the shop owner not having the time or energy to have it repainted or replaced. The bookstore was well hidden, the blue door set back a little from the street, the shop window was easy to confuse as being an extension of the gift shop next door. It was a place you could easily walk past a hundred thousand times and never even notice, so new customers were rare, most of them had been introduced to the shop by other regulars . For Clara discovering it was like magic. The shop was warm and welcoming, what had started out as a place to hide from the rain, or to look for old copies of her favourite books had turned into a home away from home. Clara worked there while Angie and Artie were at school, giving her a bit of extra money for her future travels. She could spend hours reading whatever she wanted, or scowering the old pages for notes left by previous authors, which she occasionally added to, loving the feeling of her own thoughts on the book influencing a future reader. Books told more stories than just those they had been written about. They would arrive at the store, full of dust and coffee stains and the occasional tear stained page and they told the stories of ordinary people, reading extraordinary tales, becoming so absorbed they cried over the sad parts, so engrossed they couldn’t put it down even when sipping coffee. The more cracked the spine, the more the owner must have loved the book, and Clara thought it was beautiful. She traced her fingers along the spine of the book she had just finished, now sitting on the front desk by the till.<br/>
“Your last owners must have loved you, huh?” She mumbled. “I wonder why they let you end up here”<br/>
“And I wonder why you’re caressing a book”<br/>
Clara jumped, brought out of her reverie by Nina, who had walked up behind her, apparently repeatedly walking into things to get Clara’s attention.<br/>
“Earth to Clara?” She said, tapping her on the shoulder.<br/>
Clara put the book down, rolling her eyes.<br/>
“Because the book has a story to tell”<br/>
Nina raised an eyebrow.<br/>
“Yeah, The Great Gatsby. Every book has a story to tell, that’s kind of the point of books”<br/>
“Apart from notebooks. And sketchbooks. And anyway, you wouldn’t get it, you only got a job here to hang out with me”<br/>
“And yet you spend all your time here reading and talking to books”<br/>
“I’m talking to you right now, so your point is invalid”<br/>
Nina groaned.<br/>
“I’m going Starbucks do you want anything?” She said, having clearly given up on the argument.<br/>
“Tea please”<br/>
The bell on the door rang as Nina stepped out into the pouring rain.<br/>
“You’re my favourite human” they both said, grinning.</p>
<p>The bell rang, punctuated by a groan from Nina as came back inside, drinks in hand.<br/>
“Got you a cookie too”<br/>
Clara picked up the drink that Nina had put on the table in front of her.<br/>
“You’re the best, you know that right?”<br/>
Nina ‘clinked’ her Starbucks cup against Clara’s.<br/>
“Of course I’m the best”<br/>
“Now give me the cookie”</p>
<p>Clara shelved some more books from the pile of donation boxes they kept in the basement, taking time to admire the cover art, the old book smell and of course to read the first page. Nina had finished her shift, after forcing Clara to promise that they would hang out outside of work some time. She laughed to herself, wondering what she would to without Nina. Spend all her time hanging out with kids and books and never actually going anywhere, clearly. Somewhere behind her, the bell rang and she was hit with the draught. A young man fell into the store, stumbling over the doorstep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘St Thomas Hospital, Doctor John Smith”<br/>
John closed his hand tighter around the ID card that had been bouncing against his chest as he hurried down the corridor, as he did whenever he was thinking. He barely noticed he was doing it, fumbling with the clip that held the tag onto the lanyard, flicking it so that it clicked open and closed matching his footsteps. He was exhausted, having picked up more extra shifts than he could handle. A clattering noise made him stop, confused. His badge was lying on the floor in front of him. He picked it up with a sigh and headed into his first meeting with the team who worked the night shift, mentally preparing himself for the day. Working on the children’s ward used to be fulfilling, it was a job he had wanted his whole life, and finally making it had been his greatest achievement. Well, becoming a paediatrician and successfully negotiating with a monkey to give back his wallet on his gap year in Bali. He shook his head. Becoming a doctor had been difficult, and so worth the effort. He groaned. It was worth the effort. It was worth it. There was no “but”. He wouldn’t let himself think of the reasons why it wasn’t worth it. He couldn’t, not even for a moment, let himself think that it wasn’t everything he had ever wanted. Instead he took on more and more shifts, throwing himself into his work with all his energy, so that he didn’t have time to think about the bad things.<br/>
He picked up a chart on the end of the next patient’s bed, reading it carefully. Concentrate on the rounds, smile, be friendly, don’t think too much. It’s not too hard.</p>
<p>With the rounds completed, John was desperate for some coffee. On his way to the staff room, one of the orderlies tapped him on the shoulder, making him jump.<br/>
“What do you want Strax?” He snapped.<br/>
Strax took a step back. “Apologies for scaring you Doctor,” he said, holding up his hands in defence, “but Doctor Vastra wants to speak to you”.<br/>
“Why?”<br/>
“She didn’t say. It’s urgent though”<br/>
John rubbed his forehead, straightened his bow tie, and headed towards Vastra’s office, deciding his coffee could wait.</p>
<p>The door opened before he had even had the chance to knock, revealing Vastra, staring at him with her serious face. The one he was unwilling to admit scared him a little.<br/>
“Strax found you then”<br/>
“Snuck up behind me and everything”<br/>
“A very Strax way to do things”<br/>
“Why exactly?”<br/>
She inhaled sharply. “Listen, Doctor, there’s no easy way to put this. With everything going on with you, you’re too apathetic, you’re irritable, the kids can tell you are pretending to be ok when you talk to them, but they can also tell that you aren’t. It’s scary, and it’s really unhealthy. You’ve barely taken any time off, since, well, you started here, and nothing in the past year. You aren’t the man we hired. Go home, Martha said she’ll cover your shift this afternoon, and take off some of the time we owe you from all these extra shifts”<br/>
John shook his head. He loathed the idea of being at home, of taking the time off. Vastra put her hand on his.<br/>
“You’ve had a bad year, you need this. If you won’t do this for yourself, do it for the kids. You’ll be much more comforting to have as a doctor when you are well rested. Stay off for a month, and see how you are then”<br/>
“You’re joking right? Why would you take this away from me? This job is all I’ve got left, I can’t survive a month without it. I’ll do better, I’ll take less shifts, please”<br/>
Vastra sighed. “You just need to sign a couple of things, then go home. Accept it, you need this break more than you need to work to the point of collapse every day”</p>
<p>John replayed the conversation over and over in his head for hours as he stared into his rapidly cooling coffee at Starbucks. The rain was finally slowing, and he decided it was worth braving the walk to the train home. He immediately regretted this decision. As he trudged down the street, hands in pockets and head down, the rain picked up again, worse than it had been all day, rapidly soaking into the tweed jacket, freezing him to the bone. He fought the urge to yell at the sky, and at the puddles seeping into his shoes, and at Vastra, who wasn’t there, because unlike him, she was at work. Instead he found somewhere to hide from the rain drumming against his back, a doorway, sheltered by an arch and the blue awning above it. He leaned against the door, finally glad of the shelter, when the door swung open and he was falling. He tried to find his balance, immediately tripping over the doorstep, and rapidly giving up, allowing himself to sink to the floor.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clara and the Doctor form their first impressions</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clara tried not to laugh. The man was tall, thin, his limbs sprawled across the floor. It’s the only thing she could concentrate on in that moment, a few seconds pass and she still can’t process anything. She soon had to hide her face in a book until the feeling subsided, and when she put the book down he was still there on the floor.<br/>He felt like he deserved it. Of course this was happening, on a day like this, why wouldn’t it happen? The universe took it upon itself to challenge him, and he was determined not to lose. <br/>“Excuse me sir, are you alright?” <br/>A voice cut through his thoughts, northern, and female. Wonderful. Someone had witnessed his horrible attempt to hide from the rain, and his even worse attempt at keeping his balance.<br/>“The door opened” he groaned, sitting up.<br/>“Doors do that” she chuckled, hurrying closer and holding out a hand to help him up. He stood up by himself, not looking at her. He stood in place for a few seconds, looking a little dizzy, but keeping a stoic expression. Clara looked closer at him, the bow tie, his chin. She stopped scanning his face when she reached the bags under his eyes. The poor man looked exhausted. <br/>“Are you alright? Sir?”<br/>He still said nothing. <br/>“I was about to close for the day, but if you think you have a concussion then I can take you to a doctor on my way to pick the kids up from school”<br/>He shook his head.<br/>“I don’t need a Doctor,” he hissed, turning to leave, “I think I’ll be fine”<br/>Clara shut the door behind him, finishing off the last sweep of the building before locking up. Weird man.</p><p>Someone flicked Clara’s shoulder. She turned to face Angie, offended. <br/>“Ok why haven’t you been nagging us about our homework for the whole two hours since we got home?”<br/>“Have you done your homework?”<br/>“Yeah you don’t need to ask”<br/>“There you go then”<br/>Angie groaned, returning to her room and leaving Clara to her absent minded staring at the TV.</p><p>“What would you say is the best part of being a doctor here at St Thomas Hospital?”<br/>Clara was snapped out of her stupor. It was getting late, and she was watching a rerun of an old documentary about hospitals, or doctors or something, when a familiar face caught her eye. The face she had seen, just a few hours ago, except here he was …different.<br/>“It’s just amazing you know, seeing the kids every day. They have rough days, obviously, but they’re so brave. They’re braver than I could ever be. And these kids are our future. Knowing that what I’m doing for these kids is giving them a chance to shape our world in the future, it’s the best feeling”<br/>He turns around to talk to some of the kids, who laugh at his silly dance moves, watch in awe at his puppet shows. He’s laughing almost as much as they are, his eyes are shining.<br/>“Of course it can be tough sometimes. Really tough. But it’s worth it”<br/>Clara sipped at the tea sitting on the table in front of her, looking at the man on TV. She switched it off, wondering what had changed, turning the man she had seen on the screen into the disheveled, lost looking man she had met earlier.</p><p>In his own house, John had also spent most of his day in a haze. It wasn’t like he had much else to do. Living alone made for a lot of painful silence. The fridge was filled to the brim with microwave meals and half eaten leftovers, and the dishwasher was getting full, but hadn’t been run for days. It didn’t matter, it wasn’t like anyone was coming to visit. He picked up his phone, blinking at the bright screen. 47 missed calls, 2 voice mails. 45 from Vastra, checking up on him presumably. The others were from his older brother, Dave, and Dave’s wife Rose. He led back on the couch. They were family, he owed it to them to listen to their voice mails at least. He lifted the phone to his ear.<br/>“Hey John, you’re probably busy at work or something” Dave’s voice began. John scoffed. “But you know, it’s Jenny’s 6th birthday next week and you still haven’t RSVPd. You don’t have to stay for the whole party if you don’t want to, I know you don’t want to be around loads of people. And you’ve been busy recently. Don’t worry about it if you can’t come, just let me know”<br/>There was a beep as the next message began, this one from Rose.<br/>“Ok this is gonna be quick before Dave tells me to be nice. Things are bad for you. But stop ignoring our messages. Stop wallowing. Stop feeling sorry for yourself for one afternoon and come to your niece’s birthday party or I’ll drag you here by your stupid bow tie. It’s getting ridiculous- “Rose are you being nice?” Dave could be heard in the background. “Yes dear! - and if you don’t come it won’t just upset Jenny, you’ll upset Dave too. He’s really worried about you. And Jenny really wants to see you. You’re her favourite human” <br/>John drummed his fingers on the back of his phone, debating. He thought about Jenny, how much the kid had idolised him. Maybe he’d hate himself more if he didn’t go. <br/>“I’ll come to the party” he typed, hitting send. <br/>Well, at least he had something to distract him from his temporary unemployment. </p><p>Another meal of leftovers later, John finally decided to do something other than sit in silence. He soon realised his mistake when the TV blared to life, revealing his interview. He groaned, turning the tv off and throwing the remote across the room. He kicked the couch over and over until his foot hurt, yelling indistinctly before collapsing in a bundle of tweed and anger. On today of all days. He remembered that interview, three years ago. He remembered going home, and having a drink with Amy and Rory and Mels, celebrating his TV appearance, joking about how people were going to be looking for that hot doctor from the documentary. What a night. He slammed his fist against the couch, one last time, for good measure.<br/>“Take that, stupid couch” he mumbled.</p><p>It was 4:17am when he woke up, lying on the floor next to the couch, his whole body aching. He supposed he deserved it, punishment for falling asleep mid-sulk. Amy would have made fun of him, or woken him up so he could move onto the couch instead. Maybe even tuck him in. He pulled himself up onto the grey armchair, flicking through the pages of the book next to him. He hadn’t read it for a while, and the cover was thick with dust. Maybe he could take it to that bookstore, but that may require coming face to face with that girl, and he wasn’t in the mood for that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Am I planning these chapters? No<br/>Am I editing them? Also no<br/>Do I know what is going on? Not at all</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A second encounter? And much less awkward than the first?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It’s my birthday in 3 sleeps!” the tiny blonde girl said excitedly, pulling on John’s hand as she dragged him away from her school. He was only half paying attention, instead staring nervously at the parents picking their kids up from school, a rising sense of panic at the idea that one of them might try to talk to him. A sense of panic he would rapidly have to quell as Jenny led him towards her friend, who was chattering away to her mum. <br/>“Mandy!” She said, dropping John’s hand so that she could talk to her friend. The pair began hurrying towards the school gate, so John and Mandy’s mum had to hurry to catch up. Soon they were walking at a leisurely pace behind the kids.<br/>“I’m Liz” the woman said, smiling at him. John nodded. “I’m assuming you’re Jenny’s Uncle John? She’s told me a lot about you, you’re a doctor, right?” He nodded again, fumbling for his car keys in his pockets. “You gonna say anything or not?” <br/>“I’m not in the talking mood” he mumbled, unlocking his car. “Come on Jenny, I have to get you home or I’ll be in trouble with your mummy and daddy”<br/>Jenny groaned but pottered over, climbing into the back seat.<br/>“I’m a big girl now, I call them Mum and Dad”<br/>John nodded apologetically, starting the car and beginning the drive to his brothers house.<br/>“Uncle John?”<br/>“Yeah?”<br/>“What did you get me for my birthday?”<br/>John had a small heart attack, he couldn’t believe he’d forgotten. He stared at her reflection in the mirror, horror building at the idea of those brown eyes filling with disappointment and also probably tears if she knew he hadn’t gotten her anything.<br/>“Can’t tell you. Spoilers” he said, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel while he tried to think of any ideas.<br/>“Uncle John?”<br/>“Yeah?”<br/>“Why didn’t you talk to Mandy’s mum?  Mandy said she isn’t anyone’s girlfriend, so I thought she could be your girlfriend”<br/>“I don’t need a girlfriend”<br/>Jenny kicked the seat in front of her, crossing her arms and scowling. John wanted to laugh at this child with a temper like his own, but it wasn’t something he wished on Dave, especially after a childhood together.<br/>“Cheer up” he said, flashing her a warning look.<br/>“You used to have a girlfriend”<br/>“I don’t want another one”<br/>“But Liz is really nice,” Jenny whined.<br/>“I don’t want another girlfriend” he snapped, immediately hating the harsh tone developing in his voice. Before Jenny had even realised that he was angry he grabbed a packet of jammy dodgers from the seat next to him and passed them back to her.<br/>“Eat as many as you want. They’re full of sugar, which gives you super powers like giggling loads and running really fast.” He winced. As a doctor I really shouldn’t have done that. I’ll discourage her another time. Besides, if I make her really hyper she won’t ask difficult questions, and it might even make Dave and Rose uninvite me from the party so I don’t have to worry about a gift. He wasn’t liking the way this train of thought was progressing, instead keeping his eyes on the road.</p><p>“Bye Uncle John!” Jenny said excitedly as she ran inside, showing off her half eaten packet of jammy dodgers to Rose, who immediately began chasing after her to wrestle it away. She shot John a mock dirty look from the kitchen window. He turned to leave, keeping his head down, somehow making it all the way to his car without being stopped with the invitation to stay for a drink. He watched Dave go inside, saw them disappear from view inside the house and breathed a shaky sigh of relief. Now that he was left alone in the silent car he wished they had asked him to stay. Oh well. He could have a perfectly good drink at home without an almost 6 year old asking him about his love life.</p><p>The book on the coffee table was staring at him, at least that was how it felt. An afternoon spent scrolling through amazon and eBay and every other online store had proved unfruitful and he was certain that there was nothing on earth good enough to give to Jenny. He stared back at the book, locking himself in some sort of contest. <br/>“Hey Siri, remind me to get rid of this book”<br/>The phone beeped. “Setting reminder to get rich off this duck”<br/>“Good enough”<br/>His thoughts drifted back to the bookstore. Maybe he could swallow his pride, deal with the embarrassment after his fall. They would probably take them, and they might have something he could give to Jenny. Maybe. Hopefully.</p><p>Clara checked the time on her phone, immediately groaning as she saw it still wasn’t 3:30pm. She hated the school pick up, and was growing increasingly desperate for the summer, when he would finish year 6, move to Angie’s school, and she could finally stop waiting to meet him in the playground. She usually loathed the parents, those who knew the situation would simply stare at her with pity, while the others who preferred to gossip whispered rather loudly behind her back about her being far to young to be a good mother to an eleven year old boy. She rarely had the energy to correct them, and felt as though she was ostracised by both groups. Just as she was about to check the time again, the door swung open and the kids came sauntering out, trying to act cool.<br/>Just as she was leaving she saw something familiar out of the corner of her eye. A tall, brooding man being dragged towards the gates by one of the year twos. <br/>“Huh” she mumbled, causing Artie to shoot her a curious stare. She smiled at him. “It’s nothing.” She led the way to her car, her thoughts drifting. Why am I suddenly seeing him everywhere? Or has he always been around and I’m only just noticing? Has he noticed me?</p><p>Once the Maitland pair were fed, and their homework was completed Clara could barely remember seeing the sad doctor at the school.  By the time she was at the bookstore the next day she had forgotten about it completely, dusting and shelving and reading and annoying Nina occupying her mind. <br/>“I’m going to Starbucks do you want anything?” Nina called, while Clara was knee deep in books that needed sorting. <br/>“You to stop buying coffee and actually help me?” She yelled back, yelping and throwing a book across the room when lifting it revealed a large spider.<br/>“That was a spider yelp, I’m sorry but I’m saving myself, I’ll get you you’re usual”<br/>The bell rang to signal her friend abandoning her to a spidery doom, leaving Clara alone in the store, trying to pick out the nicest looking books for in the window. The bell jingled again, less than a minute later.<br/>“If you forgot money there’s some cash in my coat pocket” Clara yelled.<br/>Somewhere else in the store a man hummed awkwardly.<br/>“Very nice of you to offer but I thought you were supposed to be trying to sell things” <br/>Clara panicked, stumbling towards the storefront and cursing under her breath as all the dust and insect filled stacks of books collapsed around her. She settled behind the desk, flicking a cobweb out of her hair and finally looking up.<br/>There he was again, the stranger who had suddenly appeared. Who, completely out of nowhere, she had begun to notice everywhere she went. He looked exhausted, and almost bewildered.<br/>John looked at her in front of him, still too surprised at his own half hearted attempt at a joke to realise that she was probably expecting him to speak.<br/>“You still have some cobweb in your hair” he muttered. He wanted to crumple into the ground. She probably hadn’t expected him to say that. “Do you take donations?”<br/>Clara looked at the cardboard box that he had just dropped on the desk in front of her.<br/>“Yes we do, sir” she said, still running one hand through her hair to clear out the rest of the cobweb. She glanced at the book on top, a Melody Malone book. She put the book under the desk to move later, flicking open and quickly looking at the other books in there. From what she could remember most of these books were aimed at women. Stop being nosy idiot.<br/>“Is there anything else I can help you with sir?”<br/>“Actually yeah, I was wondering if you had any sort of adventure type books. Like the ones with the recommendations of where to go?”<br/>Clara knew they exact book to show him. She guided him through the shelves, until she found the exact book.<br/>“101 places to see. I have my own copy at home, it’s brilliant”<br/>“Is it good for a 6 year old? For me to read to her, she’s probably a little young to read it herself but it’s her birthday tomorrow and she’s turning out to be quite the explorer”<br/>Clara nodded. <br/>“I think it would be perfect. What’s your niece like?”<br/>John almost found himself grinning. For some reason he didn’t hate talking to this random woman. She hadn’t asked of he was alright, or given him a single pitying glance, or lectured him. She seemed genuinely interested in him, and he found her fascinating.<br/>“She’s the best. She’s my older brother’s kid, she idolises me, though I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve it. I love her to pieces”<br/>Clara grinned. “From my limited perception, you’re an amazing uncle”<br/>“Really?”<br/>“Yeah”<br/>They took the book back to the counter, giggling slightly when John was too busy flicking through the book to avoid tripping on thin air. He blushed furiously.<br/>“You must think I’m really clumsy” <br/>“Nothing wrong with clumsy, as long as it doesn’t kill you”<br/>“I suppose not. I don’t think I caught your name?”<br/>“Clara Oswald, you?” She said. She felt a little guilty, she knew his name from the documentary, but knowing his name would probably be creepy, and scaring him off would probably be bad.<br/>“John Smith”<br/>“Next Wednesday we’re starting a thing where regular customers bring their kids after school and I read to them while the adults drink tea and browse. Maybe you could bring Jenny?”<br/>“That” he thought for a moment. Committing to a birthday party and some sort of kids book reading in the space of two weeks felt like a lot. But he saw the hopeful look in her face. She seemed like a good chance at a friend who didn’t know anything about the last year. “That sounds nice, if it’s good with my brother we’ll be here”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I apologise for the constant switching between POV, was that really confusing? I feel like it was really confusing <br/>This chapter was a lot longer than the others I think. Once again it was written almost entirely over the course of a few days between 1am and 3am so I might look back on this soon and realise it’s a load of nonsense<br/>I still don’t know where this is going, the plan I wrote on a scrap of paper isn’t very clear.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>More Jenny being adorable tbh</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Uncle! Uncle! Daaad Uncle John’s here!”<br/>John smiled, hearing his niece crash into the front door in her excitement to let him into the party.<br/>“Sorry I’m late kid” he mumbled, suddenly nervous. He had spent an hour debating whether or not to cancel, but now that she’d seen him it was too late to turn back. <br/>“Isokay! Where’s my present?”<br/>He chuckled, hearing Rose telling her daughter to be patient from another room. <br/>“Dad said we’re having a barbecue, so everyone is in the garden. He told me to tell you that you can stay inside if you want”<br/>John nodded, only half listening as he looked around for his brother. As he searched, he barely noticed Jenny sneaking behind him to grab the present he had hidden behind his back. <br/>“Hey! Cheeky monkey, isn’t there usually a present table or something?”<br/>Jenny giggled, her broad smile covering the slightly guilty look on her face. <br/>“Come on kid, I think I’ve forgotten my way around. How about you show me which of these doors takes me outside?”<br/>She was dragging him to the garden before he could change his mind.</p><p>John surprised himself with the ability to dodge all of the awkward questions, even Jackie’s incessant attempts at finding out all of the gossip surrounding the last year and his life’s recent extreme downward spiral. Of course, he probably wouldn’t have managed it without Jenny. The small girl stuck to his side all day, ready to defend him from anyone who got to close with the pitying stares and bombarding them with the list of subjects they were actually allowed to talk about. Jenny’s list of subjects was a good one, that John actually liked talking about, consisting of only three items: football, bacon, and Jenny. Despite all of this dodging, the help from Jenny and making sure his mouth was full whenever he was asked a difficult question, the day was becoming exhausting. He was desperate to go somewhere quiet, like home, except with a warmer atmosphere. He wasn’t sure he had anywhere like that. He sat in his chair, lost in thought, until a tapping on his shoulder and an excited voice caught his attention.<br/>“I’m opening your present now uncle!”<br/>Ah, that was what he was supposed to be doing. Paying attention to his niece’s present opening ceremony, and watching her parade around in the new outfit that Jackie had bought her.<br/>He smiled at the way she tore at the wrapping paper with reckless abandon, filling with pride at the look of wonder on her face as the book fell into her lap and she began flicking through the pages. <br/>She took in as many pictures as she could, eventually having to put the book down to thank him with the biggest hug she could muster. Small tears formed in his eyes, growing so overwhelming he had to hide his face in her golden hair. <br/>“I’m glad you like it, kid”<br/>“I love it! Where did you get it?”<br/>“If your parents let me I’ll take you there”<br/>“Deal”<br/>He nodded weakly.</p><p>Clara took a deep breath, steadying her nerves. Fifteen minutes to go until the first of what would hopefully become the weekly storytelling session. It was the first week of the summer holidays, so Angie and Artie had reluctantly agreed to help out, being drafted in to make cups of tea and sell books to parents while Clara was occupied reading to the children.<br/>“You look like you’re about to collapse,” she heard Nina chuckle behind her, “they’re kids, you could probably talk complete gibberish they can’t form any memories at this age”<br/>“Nina, the youngest is 7”<br/>“What are you reading?”<br/>“The BFG”<br/>It was when she was on the third page that she noticed John run past the shop window,  and she was just beginning the fourth when she was interrupted by the signature bell, punctuated by a loud “hello” from the golden-haired child holding his hand, followed by a mumbled apology from the embarrassed man.</p><p>John found himself pleasantly surprised at how still and quiet Jenny managed to stay throughout the story. Of course what he wasn’t aware of was how his nieces mind was running with ideas of ways to cheer up her uncle, and scanning the room for potential girlfriends for him, rather than listening to a word of the story. So when the story ended and most of the children had dispersed around the store, leaving Jenny in her own little world, John couldn’t help but laugh quietly at the child with an ability to daydream that rivalled his. <br/>“Come on Jenny, I want to say hi to Clara and then I’ll take you to look at the books” he said, still smiling at the slightly dazed expression adorning her face.<br/>“Is Clara your girlfriend?” <br/>“No.” John blushed slightly. He had to admit, she was one of the few people he didn’t oppose to spending time with, but after everything he didn’t want to get attached to anyone again. He smiled politely at Clara, hoping she hadn’t heard Jenny. <br/>“Thank you very much for the story,” Jenny began. John closed his eyes, bracing himself. He had a horrible feeling he knew what she would say next. “Are you single?”<br/>Clara had been completely fine talking to the kids, right up until this moment, when her mind completely blanked.<br/>“Uhhh”<br/>The girl in front of her tapped her foot impatiently.<br/>John was blushing furiously now, barely able to get the words out.<br/>“I’m really sorry Clara, she thinks I need a girlfriend”<br/>Clara giggled, then covered her mouth with a look of surprise.<br/>“I have no idea where that sound came from” she whispered.<br/>“Can Clara come to the park and McDonalds with us?” Jenny asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet with a grin. John wanted the ground to swallow him up. He didn’t want to offend Clara by saying no, but he also didn’t want to mess up a potential friendship by going on a weird park date set up by his niece. Not that a park date would be the worst thing in the world. <br/>“Sorry, I can’t. Maybe another time?” Clara said, finally allowing John to stop floundering in his overthinking. Jenny tugged on his hand, making him crouch down so she could whisper in his ear.<br/>“She said I should get your number or instagram username or something”<br/>Clara smiled, already heading to the desk to get a pen and write her number down.<br/>“You have quite the wingwoman”<br/>He slipped the note into his pocket.<br/>“I suppose I do”</p><p>That night he spent hours fiddling with the slip of paper in his hand, debating whether he should add it to his phone or get rid of the note and just avoid her in case she ever asked about it. He needed advice, and not the usual, gentle kind he got from his brother. He opened an old group chat, last used 8 months ago, reading back over the last message.<br/>“Just landed in New York, see you at Christmas”<br/>He typed quickly, once again having to get the task done before he could change his mind.<br/>“Hello Ponds, I’m sorry I lost contact but I need some Scottish wisdom. Video chat soon?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is a lot shorter than what i would have wanted considering how long it took to write but I guess I sort of lost motivation with this<br/>Maybe if my story plan had more details than “romance happens” I would be doing better. I think I know where I’m going with the next couple of chapters though <br/>Maybe next chapter I’ll go into more detail about what actually happened in the last year if anyone is interested in finding out?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Ponds! Finally!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey John, uh, Vastra called to ask how you were because of work today, and I’m getting worried. Losing a patient is really tough, but I thought you were still at work and the fact that you aren’t and that you aren’t home and I have absolutely no idea where you are, and, well, I’m scared John. So uh, if you get this, wherever you are, just let me know you’re ok, and when you’ll be home. I love you, so much, come home soon, bye. Oh it’s Mels by the way, if your phone didn’t tell you. Though if you were getting this kind of message from someone other than me I’ll castrate you. Anyway. Love you!”<br/>John listened to the message another time, sitting on a train back from Yorkshire to his home in London. He thought it was strange, the way he kept his adventures secret, but he liked that he could visit his younger sister and talk without any expectations from anyone else. If Dave knew where he was he’d send him with a list of questions for her and he’d want to know about every aspect of the conversation. This way, John could keep their privacy. Of course, he felt a little guilty, for keeping her all to himself, but she came to London to visit often anyway. Jane was also a doctor, and having someone who understood the cycle of sadness, anger and feelings of inadequacy that came with losing a patient. John groaned. The two of them had been talking for hours, with no thought of the rest of the world. As he worked through the events of the day with Jane it hadn’t even occurred to him that his girlfriend was waiting for him at home, worried about him. Even if it resulted in the loss of his secret safe space, he realised it was time he told her where he had been. He couldn’t tell why he was so nervous he felt sick, he knew she would understand. Maybe it was because once he told her he would no longer have any secrets from her. He chuckled softly, thinking of the ring he had asked Dave to look after for him. They were like a  married couple already, according to the Ponds. Once he had no more secrets from her, he’d also have no more milestones to wait for before getting over his worries and just asking her. By now he was smiling broadly, thinking of his life with Mels ahead of him, grinning so much he was earning some strange looks from a group of drunk youths at the other end of the train car. He leaped out of his seat at the train station, home just a 15 minute walk away. Somewhere in the distance sirens could be heard, growing louder as John walked. When he turned the corner and the blue flashing lights came into view he began to jog, and when he realised which house they were in front of he began to sprint, pushing his gawping neighbours out of his way.<br/>“What’s going on?” He demanded, a police officer pushing him back from the house, growing in frustration as the officer said nothing. “Please, I live there, with my girlfriend Melody, what is going on?”<br/>“Neighbour heard gunshots, paramedics are with your girlfriend” he said, then pointed to an ambulance. “Explain who you are and hope you can ride with them”<br/>John nodded, stumbling towards the ambulance weakly, his heartbeat thundering in his ears and worsening the cacophony of shouting and sirens. He held her hand all the way to the hospital.<br/>“I was gonna marry you” she whispered.<br/>“Good idea. You live and I’ll marry you. Dave is watching the ring for me right now”<br/>She smiled weakly. “You’ll have to ask my parents first”<br/>“I’ll get them on the phone as soon as you’re better.”<br/>At the hospital he watched with hope as she was carried out of the ambulance on a stretcher.</p><p>At the church he watched with despair as she was carried out of the hearse in a coffin.<br/>Amy’s hand slipped into his, Rory’s arm was heavy around his shoulders and the three of them began to sob.</p><p>John rubbed his eyes, having stared at his phone for the last 5 hours. The Ponds still hadn’t read his message, let alone replied. His coffee had long since been abandoned, forgotten as he got lost in his daydreams about Mels. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes, checking his phone again. A notification flashed up on his screen.<br/>“Amy: We’ve been waiting for you to actually talk to us, raggedy man, and as soon as you do it’s because you want something from us?? 8 whole months! You’ve been ghosting us for 8 whole months! Our lives could have changed completely! We could have adopted a kid. We could have moved back to England. And you would have no idea, because you wouldn’t make the effort to talk to us until now that you want our help<br/>Rory: She’s mad but of course we’ll chat. 1pm your time?”</p><p>John had slept surprisingly well, considering how late he had gone to bed. If he was honest, 2am was actually pretty good for him, but it was still late, and he was still annoyed at himself for it. Outside the early morning sun was breaking through the clouds, almost enticing John out into the garden. The plants were overgrown, overwhelmed with weeds and sticks that had blown in on the wind, and he didn’t even want to consider the pond which was so green with algae that it blended in with the surrounding grass. The old police box he had bought to use as a shed was dirty, the blue paint flaking away. He stepped outside, listening to the crunch of pebbles underfoot and attempted to rake up some of the twigs. The moment the rake touched the ground it broke from the rust and he couldn’t help but laugh slightly at his own misfortune. It was only natural that this immediately went wrong, he felt as though all his attempts at fixing things did. As long as things went better with Amy and Rory.</p><p>“Ponds!” <br/>“Doctor!”<br/>John was sitting at his desk, feeling surprisingly laid back about talking to his best friends for the first time in months. There were still worries bubbling away in the back of his mind, but if he kept focusing on the two in front of him he could keep himself relatively distracted. <br/>“How’s New York?”<br/>“Brilliant, busy, loud, smells slightly gross. Basically exactly what we expected. We moved to a bigger place in Manhattan and -can I tell him?” Amy turned to Rory, who nodded with a huge grin on his face.<br/>“Our adoption application was approved!” She continued, squealing with excitement. <br/>John gasped. For starters it was difficult to make Amy squeal like that. He remembered them talking about having kids, how nervous Amy was, and the time after she found out they couldn’t. He had been there for them all through it, and he was angry that he had allowed himself to miss out on this part of their lives.<br/>“I- wow- congratulations guys, I’m so happy for you two” he said. He was grinning like the Cheshire Cat now, even though he was mad at himself for coming out with such a generic response his expression gave away how he was feeling. His best friends would be parents, they had grown up so much, not just since he met them when they were kids, but in the time since he had lost contact, and it almost made him sad.<br/>“So, Doctor, what was it you wanted to talk about?”<br/>He took a deep breath.<br/>“I’m not sure that it’s anywhere close to as exciting as your news but, there’s a girl,” he began, testing the waters almost. They had known Mels even longer than he had, despite being the same age they felt like they were parents to their chaotic friend, and he wasn’t sure how they would react.<br/>“Go on” Amy prompted.<br/>“She works in a bookshop, her name is Clara, and we’re barely even friends. But then Jenny, you know how she is, no filter whatsoever, asked if she was my girlfriend and got her to give my her number and I got in my own head about it. I feel like just befriending her is betraying Mels, and I don’t even know if I want anything more than friendship”<br/>Amy held up her hand, preventing him from rambling..<br/>“Mels was our best friend, but you can’t mope around being sad forever. Talk to her, ok? Be her friend, if that’s what you want. And if you feel like you want more then you have my blessing. Mels would want you to be happy, whether that happiness comes from a new friendship or from a new romance”<br/>Rory nodded in agreement.<br/>“If you’re comfortable enough to talk about it, tell her about Mels. I think she deserves to know”<br/>John smiled.<br/>“I think you guys are going to be great parents. You really have the serious talks down”</p><p>That afternoon he sat on the couch, going over everything Amy and Rory had said over and over. He picked up his phone and the slip of paper, and clicked add new contact, pushing down his nerves.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was looking for a way to include the Ponds somewhere<br/>Also I’ve never written a death scene before so this was an experience</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A date? Hanging out as friends? Idiots flirting? I don’t know tbh</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clara cursed under her breath as she hit her toe on the coffee table. For a fifteen year old, Angie was being incredibly childish, and it was starting to drive Clara mad. The teenager had been right about to pass her her  phone when it buzzed, so now of course Angie had to be nosy and read the new message before her.<br/>“Is that your boyfriend?” She said with a laugh, as the phone buzzed a few more times.<br/>Clara stumbled over the back of the couch to get to her.<br/>“Ok first of all, I don’t have a secret boyfriend. And secondly, I have absolutely no idea, in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have my phone to check” she groaned, holding out her hand, hoping the delinquent was done with the game and would just hand it over.<br/>Of course that wasn’t going to be what would happen.<br/>“It says ‘hi Clara it’s John’ and then ‘as in John Smith’ and then ‘as in John Smith who’s really clumsy and has a super embarrassing niece’ and then ‘I don’t know if you remembered giving me your number’ and then ‘not that I think your senile’ and finally ‘that was way too many texts wasn’t it?’” Angie read out, pleased that instead of fighting for her phone Clara was distracted, listening intently to John’s texts.  When she finished Clara snatched the phone back.<br/>“I can read my own texts thank you. Don’t you have anything else to do?”<br/>Angie shook her head, turning to run upstairs.<br/>“When will you introduce me and Artie to your boyfriend then?”<br/>Clara shook her head, reading over the texts again with a smile, determining that there was no way he was her boyfriend.<br/>Even if she did fancy him.<br/>As much as someone who has known him a week can fancy him.<br/>Maybe.</p><p>By the time the next Wednesday had finally rolled around Clara and John had planned the afternoon to a T, just in case Jenny decided to invite Clara out with them again. The weather was, as per usual for the British summer, absolutely terrible, so  Jenny was surprisingly excited at the prospect of going to a museum, even if it was just to stay out of the fine drizzle of rain. Thanks to “Operation: get Uncle John a girlfriend” Jenny was begging for Clara to go with them. John couldn’t help but laugh at Clara’s mock surprise, and the surprisingly impressive way she acted like it hadn’t all been planned in advance.<br/>“You know, I think you could have been an actress in another life,” he said to Clara as Jenny took each of their hands, demanding that she lead the way to the museum. Clara laughed, shaking her head slightly.<br/>“Well thank you very much, but I don’t think so”<br/>John smiled, deep in thought. He was wracking his brain for some clue as to what he was supposed to say next, and was desperately hoping that if he stayed quiet for long enough Clara would say something. Unfortunately Clara was also busily trying to decide what to say, instead relying on Jenny’s chattering away about all the exhibits she wanted to see.</p><p>Once they reached the museum Clara couldn’t focus on the exhibits, instead watching in awe as John, completely on the spot, made up all kinds of stories about every exhibit to Jenny. With each story Jenny would laugh and say he was joking, but he’d flash a knowing smile and her eyes would go wide, and she would whisper “really? You really did that?” and the way he would nod made even Clara believe it was true. He told her about his adventures in Pompeii, and the time he rode a dinosaur (triceratops to be specific). Clara watched as Jenny would demand that he told the story again and again and for a while she could see the man she had seen on TV, entertaining the kids as if he was a child himself. His childishness only grew as they approached the gift shop at the end of the museum.<br/>“I love a little shop!” he whooped, grinning and looking at everything. He eventually settled on a huge stack of books, and yet another teddy for Jenny, this one dressed like a centurion, like his friend “Rorannicus”. He noticed a selection of bookmarks out of the corner of his eye, and he found himself drawn to them. One of them had Clara’s name on it, and he couldn’t help but slip it into the steadily growing pile of souvenirs.<br/>“I got you something” he said, once they were back outside the shop. He held the bookmark behind his back, grinning at her. She smiled quizzically, then reached out to take it, giggling as he jumped back.<br/>“What is it?” She said, trying and failing again. “You’re being mean”<br/>He raised an eyebrow.<br/>“Nah, mean would be this,” he said, holding it up above his head, far out of her reach.<br/>She pouted, jumping up a few times.<br/>“Stop flirting with Clara” Jenny whined eventually. “I’m hungry”<br/>Clara held back a burst of laughter as John apologised to Jenny and handed Clara her present.<br/>“Thank you John” she said, smiling at the bookmark. She looked closely at it, reminding herself that it was a £2 rectangle of leather, and not to read too much into it. Even if she wanted to. </p><p>“Ok,” John began. He glanced up at the menu behind the barista. “Can we have a flat white, a tea and what did you want Jenny?”<br/>“Large espresso”<br/>John laughed. “No. It’s like you want your mother to kill me”<br/>Jenny smiled sheepishly. “Fruit shoot and chocolate cake,” she looked thoughtful. “Actually… two chocolate cakes or I’ll pretend to be hyper and tell mum you gave me coffee”</p><p>With the cakes completely demolished and washed down with a fruit shoot, Jenny was as hyper as she would have been if she’d had the coffee. <br/>“Can we play the forest game?” She said, looking up at John with her wide, pleading puppy dog eyes. <br/>John nodded, before turning to Clara.<br/>“Sometimes we pretend that London is completely covered in a forest” he explained quickly.<br/>Clara nodded. She was enjoying learning about all these little games and inside jokes that he had with Jenny. It was like stepping into their world, and being included instead of just observing made her feel like she had known him for years. She watched and helped as John and Jenny fought off imaginary tigers and wolves and laughed at John’s mouthed apologies every time Jenny called someone a tree. The weather was clearing up, so they walked through the park, letting Jenny have a couple of laps around the climbing frames and slides to tire her out. Clara looked at John, trying not to let her imagination get away with her, but she really couldn’t stop thinking about this becoming a weekly thing. <br/>“So, uhh, next week?” She said to him.<br/>“Jenny is on holiday” he replied.<br/>“Oh,” she mumbled, disappointed, wondering if she was only invited because Jenny wanted her to be. <br/>“We can still do something though?” He said. “If you aren’t just here for Jenny”<br/>She looked up at him, smiling.<br/>“Sounds good.”</p><p>“I think you like her” Jenny said, as they waved goodbye to Clara and began the drive back to Dave and Rose’s.<br/>“I do not like her!”<br/>“Yeah you do. You bought her a present”<br/>“A really cheap, simple one”<br/>“Your face went bright red when you gave it to her!”<br/>“You need to stop gossiping with Jackie”<br/>“I like gossiping with Gran!” Jenny yelled, at the top of her voice. The pair burst out in laughter.</p><p>That night John’s dreams were filled with adventures of time travel and forests and Clara Oswald.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry it’s been quite a while, all my energy recently has gone into painting and comms and I needed a break from coming up with actual thoughts<br/>I actually feel a bit like I know where this is going from here now so that’s nice<br/>Also can you tell I haven’t been to a museum that wasn’t about something super specific like pencils or tiny things in the last 10 years?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>John takes Clara somewhere awesome</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Seriously John, where are we going today?” Clara said as she reshelved a pile of books on the floor of the children’s section. John sat on the desk.<br/>“You’ll see” he mumbled, through a mouthful of jammy dodgers.<br/>“Don’t get crumbs on the desk, we’ll get ants,” she groaned, handing him a plate. “And if you don’t tell me where we’re going I call it kidnapping”<br/>John finished his snack. “I call it a surprise”<br/>She pushed him playfully, almost causing him to fall off the desk.<br/>“Fine! Have mercy on me, oh strong one”<br/>“You’re so weird” <br/>“Have mercy! I will bestow unto you the knowledge of what adventure we are going on today”<br/>“So, so weird”<br/>“I got a day pass for Akhaten!” He said gleefully, jumping up from his perch on the desk and ignoring the clueless look on Clara’s face.</p><p>A little over an hour later, John was parking his battered car in a very busy, very noisy field, and Clara still had no idea what Akhaten meant.<br/>“Ok you still haven’t actually explained what this is”<br/>John gestured around wildly, as if pointing at everything made it any clearer.<br/>“It’s a sort of up and coming music festival, market, artisan, new Glastonbury, millennials, you know? Young things, with young people”<br/>“What, like you?”<br/>He blushed, refusing to answer and instead getting out of the car.<br/>“What is there to do?” She said, following behind him as he strode towards the crowds.<br/>He shrugged, entirely unhelpfully.<br/>“Let’s go find out” he said, giving her a cheerful grin and setting off with the sort of expression a puppy would have the first time it goes outside. She hurried after him.</p><p>They meandered through stalls, chatting about everything they could think of.<br/>“You like bubblegum ice cream?” Clara said, raising an eyebrow in concern at his life choices.<br/>“What’s wrong with bubblegum ice cream?”<br/>She shrugged. “It just sounds weird”<br/>“You’ve never tried it?”<br/>“Honestly,” Clara thought about it, “I’m not sure I have”<br/>John broke into a grin.<br/>“Lucky for you” he took her hand, pulling her towards one of the stalls, “that stall is selling it”<br/>Clara groaned, feeling like she had walked into the trap and accepting her fate that there was no way she could back out of trying the ridiculous desert.<br/>He handed her a tub of ice cream, his grin still not fading.<br/>She stared at the bright blue mess in front of her, narrowing her eyes at it, and eventually trying a mouthful.<br/>“Nope” she said, handing him the tub. “Ridiculous desert. You’re insane, why did you want me to try that?”<br/>He shrugged. “New experiences. Culinary adventures. The ability to say you’ve actually tried something instead of making an assumption about it”<br/>“But my assumption was right”<br/>“I wasn’t expecting it to be. How can you not like it?” He said, grabbing a fresh spoon and digging in.</p><p>“Your lips are blue” Clara chuckled as he finished the ice cream. “So what else is there to do here?”<br/>He shrugged. He hadn’t really planned his little excursion, expecting plans to pop into his head as he needed them, the way they used to on his adventures with the Ponds. <br/>After a while longer of stumbling through markets they found a comfortable looking patch of grass to settle down and listen to the music that rang through the crowds. John was hyper-aware of Clara leaning into him as they sat, basking in the summer afternoon sun. She closed her eyes, smiling and shifting even closer as he put his arm around her, because she would be more comfortable not leaning on him, not because he wanted to keep her close to him, of course. He tried to push all thoughts of the Ponds to the back of his mind, but the peace couldn’t distract him enough. This was the first time in over a year he felt like he wasn’t missing something, and he had no idea how Clara would react to hearing about Mels. Simple, just keep her away from everyone else in his life, make sure no one other than Jenny sees her. He groaned internally. An insane plan. Completely insane. He closed his eyes too, hoping he wouldn’t embarrass himself by falling asleep in the grass.</p><p>“John,” Clara’s voice called. John groaned sleepily. “John it’s raining wake up”<br/>Clara jumped back in surprise as he shot up, looking around in surprise. Clouds had begun to gather, and the crowds had already mostly dispersed in search of somewhere dry. The rain was picking up rapidly, washing away any drowsiness that lingered. He stood up, holding out a hand to help her up. He glanced up at the darkening sky.<br/>“How British. Back to the car?”<br/>Clara nodded and they both set off at a run to the safety of the blue mini.<br/>At first they drove in relative silence, out of breath from the sprint and deep in thought. John tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, matching the rhythm of the song on the stereo and as he drummed, Clara began humming, and by the chorus they were singing loudly, laughing at their attempts to harmonise. As the song drew to a close they had descended into fits of giggling.<br/>“Favourite song?” John asked as he caught his breath. “I’ll add it to the adventures playlist when I get home”<br/>Clara shrugged. “I’m not sure. Maybe Live and Let Die? It’s my dad’s favourite James Bond, it reminds me of the first time I watched it with him, I guess”<br/>“Good choice”</p><p>The fields surrounding the motorways gradually switched to the buildings of London.<br/>“What’s your address? Unless you want to come back to mine, since the hanging out at the festival got cut short?”<br/>“Oooh, back to your place? Down boy” Clara laughed, watching his face grow red.<br/>“No! I- I didn’t, no, I meant, I” he stuttered, cutting himself off with a groan. “Just to watch a film or something”<br/>Clara smiled. “Your place sounds good.” </p><p>Clara wasn’t sure what she had been expecting from this extravagant man’s house, but this wasn’t it. It was all sorts of greys and blues, and it looked like it had barely been lived in. She had expected something bright and full, something that matched the childish personality she had grown used to, but the house felt cold and empty. The only part of the downstairs that looked used was the couch that she had now sunk into while she waited politely for John to come back with his collection of snacks. She thought back to when they first met, how sad he had seemed. This house was more suited to that John and she desperately wanted to know what was wrong, to help him. He handed her a glass of wine and sat next to her with a huge bowl of popcorn, the look of wonder on his face back. ‘He’ll open up when he’s ready’ she thought. But for now, there was a film to watch.</p><p>“Why’s there a police box in your garden?”<br/>Darkness was beginning to fall, the film finished, and Clara was on a proper tour of the house.<br/>“It’s my shed” John said, sounding slightly offended.<br/>“It’s a police box”<br/>“Shed”<br/>“Is it a kissing booth? There is such a thing as too keen”<br/>“Clara, it’s a shed”<br/>“What’s in it?”<br/>John sighed, looking outside at the box. The paint was peeling, wood at the corners was beginning to rot. He shrugged.<br/>“Stuff”<br/>Clara had another sip of her drink, following him to the next room.<br/>“Cool,” she mumbled, realising it was going to have to be another mystery about the man who had fallen into her life that would just have to wait until he was ready. </p><p>An hour later, John was alone again, sitting at his desk and waiting for the Ponds to answer his video call. A little beep and an excited shout from Amy brought him to attention. He smiled.<br/>“Hey Ponds! Sorry for postponing the call”<br/>“We were worried you were going to abandon us for a few more months”<br/>John scratched the back of his neck.<br/>“I think I’ve apologised enough now. I wasn’t going to abandon you, Clara was here”<br/>“Oooh how’s your girlfriend?” Rory asked, surprising him. He wasn’t used to Rory teasing him.<br/>“She isn’t my girlfriend”<br/>“Yet,” Amy joined.<br/>“She’s good. It’s just- it’s that she saw the TARDIS and she wanted to know about it, and I know you told me to tell her about Mels, and I want to tell her, but I don’t know how to bring it up. I think at some point someone who knows is going to want to meet her and they’re going to tell her and she’s going to be mad at me for hiding it and…”<br/>“John, stop” Amy interrupted. “Tell her when you’re ready to tell her. If she’s mad at you for not telling you before you were ready, then she’s not good for you, ok?”<br/>John nodded.<br/>“Amelia Pond, what would I do without you?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I forgot everything I was supposed to say here. I think it was something about the blue fruit (?) in the Akhaten episode reminding me of bubblegum ice cream <br/>Also I spent way too long reading about Clara’s whole family to find her a favourite song</p><p>Sorry it’s been longer than I wanted it to be, I’ve had sort of general inspiration block so I’ve been writing random scenes to string together later instead of actual chapters</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clara watched in bemusement as Nina painstakingly dusted bookshelves, tidied up the storage room and spoke cheerfully to the customers, going a full day of working without disappearing to get coffee or go for a “boredom reducing walk” around the neighbouring shops. It was suspicious. <br/>“Nina, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but what do you want?”<br/>Nina gasped loudly, putting a hand to her chest in mock offence.<br/>“What am I doing that could possibly imply that I want something?”<br/>“You’re only a good employee when you want something.”<br/>“Okay, fine. You got my clever plan. It’s that, you said the Maitlands were visiting family this weekend, so you don’t have to watch the kids, so you’re free tonight, to go out, and free tomorrow, to deal with the ensuing hangover”<br/>Clara crossed her arms, thinking. It had been forever since her and Nina had been out. From what she could remember it was long before she had started helping George. And if she remembered right, then it had been a drunken disaster.<br/>“Ok, I can see you doing your pros and cons thinking face, and I would like to propose: last time we went out may have ended terribly in hindsight, but it was really fun while it was happening”<br/>“We will go out, we will have a couple of drinks, it will be a fun and not disastrous night”<br/>Nina smiled, the plan for the perfect night out already forming.</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning, Doctor Smith” a voice greeted from the phone. John groaned, having been woken up far too early on a Saturday morning by an incessant, painfully loud ringtone next to his face. His neck was in agony from another night on the couch after he fell asleep playing candy crush. <br/>“Have you only just woken up, Doctor Smith?”<br/>He groaned again, sitting up. <br/>“It’s 8am Doctor Vastra, what do you think?”<br/>“Sorry, Doctor Smith. I’m just checking up on you, it’s almost the end of your time off, but if you want more time then we can arrange that”<br/>John made a sort of grunting noise. He had almost forgotten that he had to start working again. And he had to admit, things were getting better.<br/>“Can I continue taking Wednesdays off? For the past few weeks I’ve been spending Wednesdays with,” he paused for a moment, before deciding that he didn’t want Vastra to know about Clara yet. “With Jenny, and my friend”<br/>Vastra’s voice was filled with relief as she replied.<br/>“A good plan, John. I was worried you would immediately begin overworking yourself again.”<br/>After a brief conversation about life outside of work (they had been friends before they were coworkers after all) John hung up and set about making himself some coffee.</p><p>With the caffeine now dragging him towards becoming something less of a zombie, he settled back on the couch, flicking through Netflix for anything to occupy his mind for the day. He remembered a time when he was so excited about becoming a doctor he would only watch medical dramas, and as he thought about work he felt that spark of excitement beginning to glow, just a little. He had been so busy trying to occupy his time with adventures with Clara and reconnecting with the Ponds and every other activity that he had barely had time to let himself acknowledge that he missed working, he missed seeing the kids, he missed making them laugh and fighting to make them feel better, in any way he could. <br/>His phone screen lit up, distracting him. There were seven missed calls from Clara, after he had gone to sleep, and one just a few minutes ago. He pushed down his excitement at seeing her name flash up on his phone, and then the worry that immediately followed after seeing how hard she had tried to contact him. He shook off his worries, deciding there was no use panicking until he had actually heard them.<br/>“Hey, John! I’m out with Nina and she just mentioned a place called Caliburn house, I think she said it was one of them National Trust ones but there are ghost tours and stuff and I thought maybe we could try one before Jenny comes back from her holiday?”<br/>“Hey, if Nina catches me on the phone to you again I’ll be in trouble” the second call began. She was giggling slightly. “But this club is really fun and you should come join us if you’re free”<br/>“Sorry about the last -shut up Nina this isn’t John- sorry about the last call John, you’re probably asleep.” Clara continued loudly. The third call continued for a few more minutes of slightly slurred and very giggle conversation between Clara and Nina, since Clara had clearly forgotten to hang up. John chuckled, skipping to the next call, immediately having to jerk the phone away from his ear as Clara sang loudly, starting with Single Ladies, then Toxic, and by the last of the late night calls it had descended into a somewhat unintelligible mess, finally ending with a yell of “I AM ABSOLUTELY STARVING NINA LETS GO GET CHIPS” in the poshest accent John had ever heard. He chuckled, shaking his head, remembering nights like that with Amy and Rory and Mels. A piece of him missed nights like that. The final voicemail was a reminder of the part he didn’t miss.<br/>“11 St John drive.” Clara groaned. “Bring bacon. Unlocked door. Gonna pass out”<br/>He laughed quietly, shaking his head.</p><p>On his way to Clara’s he stopped at a small café, seeing Donna and her husband chatting behind the counter. They glanced up at him, going quiet.<br/>“John?” Donna said softly, narrowing her eyes at him. John smiled sheepishly, knowing he had only a few seconds before she decided whether or not to yell at him.<br/>“Hey Donna” he mumbled, staring at his feet. Of course, it wasn’t like the Ponds, who were like family to him, but here he was, facing another old friend he had cut off after losing Mels.<br/>She opened her mouth and he winced in anticipation of the angry tirade coming.<br/>“It’s been so long I could have forgotten you!” <br/>John looked up at her, his eyes watering. She faltered.<br/>“I missed you” he managed to whisper before she could get back on track with the shouting. She groaned quietly, knowing he had beaten her.<br/>“I missed you too”<br/>She stepped past the counter and hugged him tightly. <br/>“Ok, now what can I get for you?”<br/>He glanced up at the menu.<br/>“Two bacon butties and two coffees?”<br/>Shaun disappeared into the kitchen to cook the bacon while Donna forced him to sit at a table for a quick catch up.<br/>“So, two breakfasts? Someone special?”<br/>He smiled. She was special, if he was forced to admit it, but not out loud. He shook his head.<br/>“She’s just my friend. I got a call from her, well a couple of calls, very drunk, and then one this morning asking for bacon”<br/>“How many times?”<br/>“What?”<br/>“How many times did she call you?”<br/>“Seven” he chuckled. Donna coughed to cover a surprised laugh as Shaun placed the food on the table in front of him.<br/>He thanked him, getting up to pay. On his way out Donna stopped him, with a bright grin on her face.<br/>“I think she, whoever she is, must really like you”<br/>He gave her an unimpressed look.<br/>“And I think you like her too”</p><p>John rang the doorbell, trying his best to balance the sandwiches and coffees. He heard a groan from the other side of the door and he gently pushed it open. Clara was on the hallway floor, eyes closed. She looked ethereal. He stepped over her carefully, wandering around until he found the kitchen to put the food somewhere safe, soon becoming distracted by a search for biscuits. A snore from the hallway reminded him why he was there, and he carefully lifted Clara up and began searching the house for her bedroom.</p><p>Too bright. Clara closed her eyes again. Her head felt like it was in a vice, tightening with every ray of light on her face, seeping through her eyelids. She hissed in pain, and something cold and damp touched her forehead. She pushed it away sleepily, opening her eyes again. A blurry shape sat on the edge of her bed.<br/>“Look who’s awake” the shape whispered. She pushed herself up, leaning on him.<br/>“John?”<br/>“You called me”<br/>“Oh.” She mumbled. She closed her eyes, thinking hard. It made her head hurt. Of course, she could just about remember it, though she’d have thought she had dreamed it if he wasn’t there.<br/>“You brought bacon then?”<br/>“And coffee. Bit cold though. You slept for a while”<br/>She grunted, pushing the blankets away to stand up. <br/>“I’ll go make more, give you some time to get dressed”</p><p>When she eventually stumbled into the kitchen she was immediately presented with a bacon sandwich and a cup of coffee. His sleeves were rolled up, his bow tie had been abandoned. She sipped the coffee, watching him over the rim of the cup as he wandered around the kitchen, inspecting it. She pushed away all of the thoughts telling her about a life waking up to this, waking up to see him, every day. It was the hangover talking. She didn’t want to ruin their friendship by getting a silly crush. And no amount of alcohol from Nina would make her admit that she really fancied him.<br/>“Your dad called. I didn’t tell him you were hungover”<br/>“Thanks. And thank you for looking after me”<br/>“I go back to work after my time off on Monday. I need to practice being a doctor again.” <br/>He immediately regretted mentioning his time off, hoping she wouldn’t ask about it. <br/>“I’ll still get Wednesdays off though, for adventuring purposes. With Jenny. And, you know, with you, if you want. We can check out that haunted house thing”. He spoke quickly, wondering how much he needed to say to make her forget he had mentioned his break from work. Explaining everything about Mels to her now, especially during her post-night-out haze, was less than ideal.<br/>Clara nodded. She was too tired to think anything of his strange behaviour.<br/>“I’d like that” she mumbled. “More adventures”.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don’t drink so this required a lot of googling oops<br/>I have a plan for the oncoming story I just need to figure out when various things happen</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The hospital entrance looms ominously over John, who was now beginning to feel a little overwhelmed at the idea of being back. Anything looming ominously was a bad sign to John, and a feeling deep in his stomach was screaming to turn around and go home. He remembered the checklist he had made for himself. Deep breath. Smile. Straighten bow tie. Go inside. The clinical smell shocked him at first, he had grown used to the musty smell of the bookstore, and the indescribable smell of home. The hospital smelled distant, the white walls and lights making it feel cold, and yet as he walked towards paediatrics it began to feel like he had never been away. The colours brightened and grew warmer and more welcoming. <br/>“Good to see you, Doctor Smith” a voice snuck up on him.<br/>“Thank you for the heart attack Strax.” <br/>The orderly appeared from behind him, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes in deep confusion.<br/>“I do not see why you would thank me for a heart attack? If I were you I would be demanding to be carried to cardiology”<br/>John laughed. “I’ve missed you”.</p><p>After being thrown in at what John would definitely consider the deep end, he was glad to finally collapse into the comfiest chair in the staff room for his morning break. A text from Clara was enough to send him from his slouched position, sinking into the chair to sat bolt upright, looking vaguely as though he had been electrocuted.<br/>“Good luck back at work today x” he read. A smile played on his lips, she had remembered, she was thinking about him, but anxiety was beginning to creep in. She had never ended texts to him with kisses before. Perhaps it was just a show of their strengthening friendship, but what if it was more? He wished he could stop himself from wanting it to mean something more. <br/>“I don’t think you’ve ever sat so straight” Martha said, looking up from her book.<br/>“Howdoyousigntexts?” <br/>“Sorry, what?”<br/>He took a calming breath. Smiled weakly, straightened his bow tie.<br/>“How do you sign texts?”<br/>She shrugged. “I don’t know, they just sort of end”<br/>He collapsed back into the chair with a deep sigh, finding Martha’s answer entirely unhelpful.</p><p>Throughout the next two days he kept pulling his phone out of his pocket, staring at the message, as if the words would just morph into some sort of an answer. He was painfully conscious that he had never replied, every time he tried to he was once again overthrown by his internal turmoil over what the text meant. To his surprise, she didn’t even mention it when they were finalising the details for Caliburn house over the phone. Part of him was disappointed that she hadn’t said anything that could possibly hint towards a change of feelings. Maybe he could have asked, without the pressure of being face to face. His bravery was laughable. He knew he never would have asked, as much as he wanted to. <br/>Even on the drive to Caliburn House he felt like a boat in a storm, being thrown around by waves of questions he could not ask out of fear of the answer. All he wanted was to reach the shore, to be on solid ground and to finally know where he stood with her. He wasn’t sure where he wanted it to be yet, but having answers would help.<br/>“John!” Clara called to him, grabbing his arm from the passenger seat and making him jump to attention. The car was drifting into the next lane, and another driver was gesturing angrily behind him. He shook his head, mumbling an apology.<br/>“Are you alright?” Clara said, the look of concern on her face almost unbearable to John.<br/>“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Long motorway, just lost focus a bit.”<br/>“We seem to do that a lot” Clara said, with a small, nervous laugh.<br/>“We think too much. We should have been philosophers”<br/>“And what is the deep philosophical question so worth pondering that you were willing to almost crash the car, potentially killing us”<br/>John sighed. He remembered everything the Ponds advised him. Be honest.<br/>“You signed your text to me with a kiss on Monday. I keep wondering what it meant”<br/>Clara was shocked. She looked at her phone, she hadn’t even noticed the kiss.<br/>“I, uh, really? I didn’t even realise I did it. It just felt right, I guess.” She watched, amused as his brow furrowed and relaxed a few times while he processed what she had told him. “What did you want it to mean?”<br/>He wanted to hit something. He had the answer to the question that had been plaguing him, but he still didn’t feel any better about what he actually wanted.<br/>“I don’t know” he mumbled. He turned up the volume of the music, focusing on the road in front of him, instead of all the hard questions.</p><p>Caliburn House couldn’t have looked more like a haunted house, it’s dingy brickwork and overgrown gardens a reminder of just how old it was, and how many lives had been lived there before it became a tourist destination. It was quiet, a sort of eerie silence that John and Clara both found themselves desperately wanting to break, but neither wanted to be the first. John began humming softly, making Clara yelp and jump away from him. He laughed, and she glared at him.<br/>“Ooh if looks could kill. If you had let me finish humming you would have realised that it was, in fact, the ghostbusters theme that you screamed at”<br/>“I did not scream” she hissed, stepping closer to him. “You tell anyone that I screamed and I’ll..” she trailed off, staring up at him.<br/>“You’ll what?” <br/>Clara stepped back, breaking the eye contact. She wondered just how close she had been to at least attempting to kiss him, how close she had come to possibly ruining their friendship.<br/>“Tour starts soon, we should probably go to the house” he whispered, his voice cracking. Clara glanced up to just catch the fleeting, disappointed look on his face. </p><p>His hand held onto hers more naturally every time she grabbed hold of it. The awkward, hand-crushing, fingers-almost-breaking grip became softer, more instinctive. Every time he heard her gasp in fear, or something made him jump they were immediately calmed by the feeling of their fingers interlocking. Clara leaned into him as he drew circles on the back of her hand.<br/>“If it wasn’t for the Witch of The Well I wouldn’t mind living here.”<br/>Clara thought he was insane. The house looked like it was coming apart at the seams, ancient wood looking like it could crumble away any minute. If the ghosts weren’t going to get them, she thought the house collapsing probably would.<br/>“Beautiful views from this window,” the guide said. “They say there’s another ghost who haunts this room, ‘The Lonely Monster’, who lost his wife and was unable to move on, believing that she was the only one he could have ever loved. He lived out the rest of his days staring out the window, losing his mind, hoping to catch a glimpse of her coming home. And just as he was unable to move on from her, when he died he was unable to move on from the physical world.”</p><p>“John, you’ll be alright on your own, yeah? We can stay with you if you want” Amy had said, her hand on his arm and the painful, pitying look in her eyes. He knew she meant well, but he only ever saw that look when something bad happens, and seeing it was agony.<br/>“I’ll be alright” he looked around the house. It looked huge and empty again, as though in the few hours following Mels’ death all life had been sucked out of the building too. “On my own”.<br/>For the next two weeks he slept on the couch, only eating when he was too hungry to sleep. He just wanted to hear the front door open, to hear Mels come home and sit on the couch next to him and tell him stories about whatever archeology project she was working on and to be alive. He waited for hours for her to come back to him. By the time the funeral came his back was aching from sleeping on the couch, and a piece of him just wanted to get it over with, so that he could finally say a proper goodbye. What better way to make himself realise she was never coming home than burying her?</p><p>John wiped away a tear before anyone could notice it.<br/>“Poor man” he mumbled. “I hope he finds a way to move on, soon”.</p><p>The sun was low in the sky when the tour was finished, and John was starving by the time they had reached the third repeat of the ghostbusters theme in the car. It didn’t take long to locate a McDonalds and even less time to locate somewhere a little prettier than McDonalds to eat as the sun set.<br/>“I feel like we keep going on these adventures but not getting to know each other” Clara blurted, taking John by surprise. “All I really know about you is that you’re a doctor and you have a brother and a niece”<br/>“Fair enough. You’re Clara, you work in a bookstore when the kids you nanny for are at school, you find it really annoying when I get crumbs on your desk, and when you’re drunk you speak in the Queen’s English accent and you crave chips.” She looked concerned. “You phoned me when you were drunk, remember?”<br/>“Ok, how about a game? We ask each other questions, and if we don’t want to answer a question the other person gets one of our fries. No questions about why we didn’t want to answer, just give up the fry and end of that round”<br/>“Ok, uhh, do you have any siblings?”<br/>She laughed. “Simple question to start with. I have no siblings, only child. What about your family?”<br/>“My parents were pretty normal, science geeks, but normal. They gave all three of us super weird names to make us stand out, so we gave ourselves sort of generic names and got them legally changed when we were old enough.”<br/>“Three of you?”<br/>“Yeah, me, Dave and my sister Jane”<br/>“What were your old names?”<br/>He held out the box of fries with a grin.<br/>“People only find out if they were friends before we came up with new names, or if they are marrying one of us. Your family?”<br/>“My Mum met my Dad when she saved him from getting hit by a car after a leaf blew into his face. They had me and then decided I was so awesome they didn’t want another. Mum, she, she died when I was 16. I struggled for a while, my dad seemed to depend on me a lot. He got married again a few years ago, to Linda.” She almost growled Linda’s name. <br/>“I take it you don’t like Linda”<br/>“My gran is the only thing stopping Christmas from being completely terrible!”<br/>John took her hand. For someone who knew a lot about dealing with loss he had no idea what to say.</p><p>He looked over at Clara, who looked half asleep in the passenger seat next to him. He had covered her with his jacket to keep her warm, and she was watching the streetlights whizz past through the window above her. <br/>“So” he said, waiting for her to wake up a little. “I mentioned my sister. And she’s getting married in a month, and I’m supposed to be her best man, and she said since I won’t know anyone apart from Dave and family and she doesn’t want me to be on my own all night I can bring a plus one”<br/>Clara nodded sleepily. <br/>“Who are you taking?”<br/>“I was hoping I could take you. Not as a date, like as my friend, and Jenny won’t stop talking to Dave and Rose about you and they want to meet you”<br/>She sat up, rubbing her eyes and yawning while her soporific brain tried to make sense of his words.<br/>“I- I’d love to come”<br/>“I feel like I should mention now, my sister is gay, her fiancée is a woman and if you have a problem with that you should probably just get out of my car and walk home”<br/>Clara chuckled.<br/>“I can’t tell if I should be offended that you even considered the possibility that I could have a problem with someone for falling in love or if I should just find it cute that you want to protect your sister”<br/>He smiled, relieved.<br/>“Please don’t be offended, just find it cute that I love her very much and I don’t want to associate with anyone who would hate her for who she is”</p><p>Clara felt like a teenager. He held her hand and walked her to her door and it felt like falling in love for the first time, butterflies fluttering and a lightheaded feeling overwhelming her as they stood on the doorstep. <br/>“Today was..”<br/>“Fantastic?” He suggested hopefully, looking at her with the brightest smile as she nodded. His hand brushed her cheek, his fingers tangling slightly in her hair. Clara never wanted him to let go, her fingertips brushed the back of his hand. It was warm, shaking slightly but it stilled when she placed her hand over his. He was so close to her. Maybe they were more than friends. He leaned even closer. Maybe he wanted her as much as she wanted him. She closed her eyes, taking in the smell of jammy dodgers and coffee. She opened her eyes. He was kissing her forehead, and when he stepped back he looked even more surprised by that outcome than she was. <br/>“I- uh- it’s late, uh, bye” he managed to stutter, backing away to his car. She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry or just collapse into bed and forget the whole of the last few minutes. <br/>From her bedroom window she could see him still sitting in his car outside, slumped forward, occasionally hitting his head on the steering wheel. </p><p>“Amy I messed up very very much”<br/>Amy stayed silent. She knew when he was about to start rambling.<br/>“We almost kissed. Me and Clara. Several times. But the last time, I really really wanted to. And you know what I did? I kissed her forehead! Her! Forehead!”<br/>“And why do you think you did that?”<br/>He groaned. Amy forcing him to actually consider his feelings and reasoning behind his actions was the worst.<br/>“I guess I, it feels wrong not telling her about Mels. It feels like I’m lying to her and if anything happens between us she deserves to know first”<br/>“So what are you going to do?”<br/>“I’ll tell her. I just need a plan”.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow this was a surprisingly long one<br/>I’ve been working on this between online lessons and planning my webcomic for my art coursework and for some reason with this chapter I just didn’t stop? Just kept adding to it. I’m pretty sure the next one is a shorter one if I actually follow the plan though</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There’s a lot of talking I’m sorry</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John felt sick. He sank further into the couch, hoping he could just disappear into it, be swallowed up by the ground and not have to think about his problems. He picked up his phone, the most recent message from Clara greeting him, a sudden wave of nerves hitting him at the “x” on the end. A few more minutes and she’d be at the door, and he’d have no way of getting out of telling her the truth. He had the plan written in the notes on his phone. Not that he needed them. He had spent the last week reading over it, improving it, memorising every detail. He closed his eyes, running over the plan in his head, finally making sure that he wouldn’t need to rely on the instructions he had written out. The doorbell rang.</p><p>Clara felt sick. A text from the guy she was sort of falling for, and she thought may be falling for her saying “we need to talk. I need to tell you something” really wasn’t how she was expecting her day to start. It wasn’t exactly a comforting message, and very far from the messages she usually received from him that left the warm feeling in her chest. <br/>“On my way, x” was the best reply she could muster before getting into the car. She hadn’t realised quite how hard she had been gripping the steering wheel until she got out of the car and her hands were stiff. A thousand possible scenarios ran through her head as she walked down the drive, and she thought she was having a heart attack while she waited for him to respond to the doorbell.</p><p>Both of their worries melted away, just for a few seconds, when John opened the door and pulled her close for a hug.<br/>“It just occurred to me that the super cryptic message probably wasn’t conducive for a relaxing drive here” he said.<br/>She laughed quietly, nodding as he apologised profusely.<br/>“I just, it’s easier to do this in person and I wasn’t sure how detailed my text should have been”<br/>“It’s fine, I didn’t have a heart attack or anything”<br/>She followed him inside, where he busied himself making her a cup of tea. He stayed unnaturally silent the whole time, brow furrowed, deep in thought. He handed her the mug, the tea made exactly how she liked it.<br/>“So” <br/>“So?” She looked at him.<br/>“The shed” he replied, looking at her as if that was enough information for her to know what was going on. After a moment of staring at each other, both feeling deeply confused, John finally realised that he had forgotten to say most of his sentence.<br/>“There’s something important in the shed that I need to talk to you about”<br/>She nodded, realising now it was probably best not to interrupted by speaking out loud, and she followed him into the garden. He unlocked the shed with slightly shaking hands.<br/>“This is the TARDIS. If I’m completely honest I can’t quite remember why it was named that, but it was. I’ve had a fascination with these police boxes since I was a little kid, I bought this the first chance I got” he explained. Clara nodded again. So far, so good. She was keeping up.<br/>He opened the TARDIS doors, gesturing for Clara to step inside. She was immediately greeted with bookshelves, filled with pocket guides to hundreds of cities, so many different countries. Along with the guidebooks there were dictionaries in different languages, a book on how to say common phrases in every language she could think of and photo albums. Packed in all the tiny spaces between these books were leaflets for tourist attractions all over the world. She ran her fingers along the spines of the books. The rest of the walls were covered in photographs. It looked as though John had squeezed the whole world inside the tiny phone box. She looked at the biggest photo. Taken somewhere she didn’t recognise, a bright looking day with the most beautiful lake in the background. <br/>“That woman is made of legs” she mumbled, noticing the ginger girl who stood next to John in the picture. The girl was gazing at the man on the other side of her, looking somewhat awkward, but grinning back at her, oblivious to everything else in the photo.<br/>“That’s Amy and Rory” John chimed in. He had managed to fit inside the box next to her. “I’ve been friends with them since we were tiny”<br/>“Is this what you wanted to tell me”<br/>He shook his head, guiding her to another photo. It was at the same lake, the same bright blue sky, but he was with someone else. He was kissing someone else. The pair had their eyes closed. Clara wasn’t sure if they were even aware that they were being photographed. The woman was beautiful and it was clear that John adored her.<br/>“It’s her. She’s the talk. That’s Mels.” His voice cracked again. Clara looked at a John, and at the way he looked at Mels. <br/>“Who was she?” <br/>John tore himself away from the picture. <br/>“She was Amy and Rory’s friend first. She was also a childhood friend of theirs, but for some reason I never actually met her until we were seventeen. When we took all these pictures together, it was a sort of year long trip around the world. I had finally finished uni and we had always wanted to travel the world, especially before I got too busy with work. It was during the holiday that me and Mels really bonded. That photo was our first kiss. It wasn’t long before she moved in with me, and I was going to propose to her. I did propose to her, but, but it was not exactly the right circumstances. I had been visiting my sister, I’d lost a patient, I needed to talk to Jane, and when I came home…”<br/>He trailed off, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Clara’s hand brushed against his, comforting him.<br/>“There had been a break in,” he continued. “They weren’t expecting her to be home, they had a gun. I proposed in the ambulance, because then she had something she had to live for. She, uh, she died at the hospital.”<br/>Clara realised that she was crying a little too, as he poured his heart out to her.<br/>He caught his breath.<br/>“I hate that it took me so long to tell you about her, because I was confused. I like you. A lot. I’m stuck with all this guilt because it feels wrong to move on from Mels, and it felt wrong to hide her from you, so here it is. And I think it’s important for you to know that I loved her, and she was really special, but I’m not in love with her any more”<br/>Clara nodded. Everything that had just come tumbling out of his mouth felt like a lot. Too much. She stayed quiet, thinking everything over.<br/>“I’m not competing with a ghost, John” she eventually said. He nodded.<br/>“I don’t expect you to”<br/>“Have you talked to anyone about this?”<br/>“I’m talking to you, now”<br/>“I meant a professional. Someone trained to help”<br/>“Oh. Then no. I have not”<br/>“Can we finish the talk inside? It’s weird in here. I don’t think your box likes me”<br/>John nodded, leading the way. He made more tea while she thought, and followed her to the dining table, sitting face to face.<br/>“Why tell me now?”<br/>“I hated hiding her from you. I’m tired of thinking over everything I say to make sure I don’t let on. I should have explained sooner, but I loved the way you looked at me, like you didn’t feel sorry for me. As tired as I was of hiding the truth, I was also tired of being pitied by everyone”<br/>She rested her head in her hands, smiling slightly as he reached across the table to push a stray hair behind her ear before she had even realised it was going to annoy her.<br/>“Tell me about her” <br/>John smiled.<br/>“She was a bit of a rebel. She stole a bus once, but that was before we met. She stole a car too, on the day we met. Amy and Rory were coming to Germany with me for a weekend and she had decided that she wanted to finally meet the “raggedy man” she had heard all these stories about since we were kids. So she stole a car to meet us at the airport, and we were long gone by the time anyone had noticed. Took forever to sort everything out when we got home. She wasn’t bad though. She really wasn’t bad, she just craved freedom. No one thought we would last. I was honestly pretty surprised when she moved in with me. She was fierce and funny, chaotic and kind,” he looked down. <br/>“I thought I would never be happy again without her. But I fell into your bookstore, and when I’m around you I feel less hopeless. Around you, I feel like… like I have a chance of” he trailed off, not wanting to admit what he was thinking, looking at Clara’s hands, which were now holding his. <br/>“I like you too. A lot. And whatever happens, wherever all of this goes, I am happy to move at whatever pace you are comfortable with”<br/>John smiled at her. He felt lighter. No more secrets. He had kept secrets from Mels, and he had continued to feel guilty for it. He wasn’t going to let that happen with Clara.<br/>They stood on his doorstep. Clara reached up, kissing his cheek.<br/>“Thank you for telling me. It means a lot that you’re comfortable enough with me to talk about it”<br/>He wanted to hug her.<br/>“It’s not a secret, really. You told me to talk to someone, but you just got a lot of information thrown at you. If you want to talk about it all with someone that’s not me that’s ok. If you need someone to help you process everything”<br/>She wanted to hug him too.<br/>She walked back to her car, their whole conversation playing in her mind, not sure whether to laugh or cry.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry it’s been a while, going back to school has been exhausting and I’ve just not had the time or motivation to write anything more than story plans <br/>At least it means I have a lot planned for the future <br/>I just don’t know when I’m gonna write it <br/>I hope this chapter is alright, emotional chats are just not my thing and I had to fight really hard to stop myself from putting in bad attempts at being funny to distract myself from the fact that this is supposed to be serious</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Uhhh sorry?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John led on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He pushed himself up a little, staring at the wall opposite him. The stars painted on the wall were comforting, and counting them was a welcoming distraction from all the anger and sadness and confusion burning inside him. It was 3 days since he had seen Clara, 3 days since he had finally let everything come pouring out. They had talked since, just over the phone. She’d asked questions and he’d been more than willing to answer, and he was sure that with each talk she understood more, and they grew even closer.</p><p>Six hours ago he had gone to work full of optimism about the whole situation. He had even considered telling Dr Vastra about his growing relationship with Clara. He wouldn’t say, out of fear of sounding too cliché, that he felt as though he was walking on air, but it was a pretty accurate description. Clara knew and everything was fine and his whole world hadn’t crashed and burned around him. He was just finishing up his rounds when he spotted someone he knew looking a little lost in the corridor.<br/>“Hey, uh, Nina right? From the bookstore?” He waved, giving a friendly smile. Nina did not seem to return it.<br/>“John. Got somewhere we can talk?”<br/>He tilted his head, giving off the look of a somewhat confused puppy.<br/>“Probably shouldn’t let you in here” he chuckled, leading her to the staff room. He sat down, she remained standing, staring down at him as he shifted uncomfortably.<br/>“Clara’s dad lives in Blackpool, so until he comes for Christmas or something, you get the look after her talk from me.” She began, watching as John nodded, still in mild confusion. “You seem like a nice guys. I’ve seen you at the bookstore with your niece to know you’re a nice guy. So I know that if you hurt her that would be very out of character for you. That being said, you had better not hurt her.”<br/>“Of course I won’t”<br/>“She’s my best friend, okay? If anything happens to her I will destroy you”<br/>“Yeah I get…”<br/>“I’m not even joking, I might sound overprotective but if anything hurts her…”<br/>John stood up, shaking slightly.<br/>“What is this about?” he said. He tried to keep his voice from cracking as he spoke. Nina scared him a little.<br/>“What?”<br/>“Emotionally or physically hurt?”<br/>“What?”<br/>“You keep telling me not to let anything hurt her. Do you mean emotionally or physically?”<br/>Nina groaned.<br/>“I- I worded that badly. I’m sorry if you thought I was implying that…”<br/>“Do you think I should have taken better care of Mels? Do you think I didn’t hate myself for leaving her home alone?”<br/>“No! I just… I do know how to explain. You’ve gotten defensive now, you’re going to take all of this wrong. I just don’t want anything to happen to her.”<br/>“And you think that I attract bad things?”<br/>“Of course not. I just don’t know how to tell you to take better care of Clara without offending you!”<br/>“Oh well you’re doing a great job so far, well done!” He yelled. He sank back into the chair. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I attract bad things. Maybe I can’t protect Clara as well as you’re trying to”<br/>“No, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to go this way. Don’t blame her for this, okay? She didn’t ask me to do this”</p><p>John replayed the conversation in his head as he sat there. The more he thought, the more all of guilt and rage he thought he had learned to let go of began to consume him again. Perhaps he had never let go, perhaps it had just burned down to embers and Nina was all that he had needed to stoke the fire. All of this fire inside him could only lead to him hurting Clara. How could she want him, how could she be with him when he can’t even look after her. He had let Mels die when he had left her to fend for herself. He should have been at home, should have saved her, should have been there to jump in front of the bullet or fought off the intruder or at least been there to hold her while they waited for the ambulance. He couldn’t take care of Mels, and the more he thought, the less he felt he could take care of Clara. She was vivid and full of life and being with him would inevitably kill her. He couldn’t let that happen. And anyway, Nina had made such a point of telling him that Clara hadn’t sent her that it felt like she had. He groaned, wiping tears from his face. He felt he must have read the situation wrong. She was uncomfortable. She was scared to be around him, scared of a relationship with the man who was so useless. She didn’t want him, and she felt as though she couldn’t tell him and she’d had her friend do it instead because the situation was weird and scary.</p><p> The rage burned down to sadness. He knew, he loved her. He had to give her what she wanted, a normal life with a partner who was good for her, who didn’t come with all of this mess. Someone who, like Nina had said, could actually prevent all the pain. He looked at the messages of the last 3 days. They must have been a lie. All of the last few days had been a lie while Clara figured out how to get rid of him. His thumb hovered over the button to block her number. Let her go, cut her off so she can be happy and safe. He closed his eyes, tapping the screen.<br/>“I’m sorry Clara, I’m sorry I’m just not good enough for you”</p><p>It was another drizzly Wednesday afternoon and Clara was getting worried. She couldn’t remember last time she had heard from John. Jenny was back from her holiday, he was probably busy seeing her again. After all, he loved his niece more than anything. Just another hour and they’d be there at the store to listen to her read. An hour and the length of a book and off they would go on another adventure. An afternoon with him holding her hand and showing him all of the wonder in the world that without him she just didn’t see. </p><p>As she worked people came wandering in, but there was no sign of John. Even as she read she kept pausing to look at every person walking past outside. She must have read the same sentence twice from the confused looks on the kids’ faces, but she was so lost wondering where John was that she hardly noticed. When she trailed off and Nina had to take the book and pick up from where she left off she began to worry. He had been late before, but not like this. This wasn’t his usual distracted, scatterbrained forgot what he was doing and got distracted watching pigeons. This hurt, this felt like he didn’t want to be there. She tried to contact him but nothing went through. <br/>“Maybe he blocked your number” Nina joked once everyone had left them with the shop to themselves. Clara had laughed and disappeared into another room before she could see Nina’s eyes go wide with sudden realisation and the following panic.<br/>When Clara came back in she had completely missed Nina’s miniature freak out.<br/>“I know I shouldn’t worry, and he was probably just busy, but what if I pushed too hard?”<br/>“What do you mean?”<br/>“What if I asked too many questions about Mels and it scared him off?”<br/>Nina shrugged.<br/>“What should I do? You’re better at this than I am. Why would he be ignoring me?”<br/>“I have no idea. He said he was okay with you asking questions, so if he suddenly isn’t then that’s his fault, and he should have said so. You are not the one to blame for this.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Once again I’m not entirely sure why I insist on writing things with emotions<br/>Anyway look at me being productive!<br/>School being closed again does that I guess<br/>Sorry if the next chapter takes a little longer past me wrote an incredibly useless chapter plan and I don’t actually know what’s going to happen but it will probably be a short one again because I’m lazy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dull.<br/>
Without Clara, John’s life was turning dull. He could feel his energy and excitement being slapped away without the coming Wednesdays to look forward to.<br/>
Abandoned, screwed up on the floor, there was a piece of paper, a list dedicated to Clara and everywhere John had wanted to take her. He had been torturing himself with the list for the first two days. His computer was a mess of open tabs taking him to every interesting place near London. Hours wasted scrolling through photos of beautiful views and interesting places. Hours agonising over how he had imagined a day with Clara there, jokes he could make and that look of wonder on her face.<br/>
But they were days that wouldn’t come. Clara deserved to see those things, to go on those adventures with someone better. </p><p>So instead, John threw himself into work. He began leaving his phone places he couldn’t think about it. Whenever he had it, it was always heavy in his pocket, a constant nagging sensation telling him that he might discover that Clara had messaged him. He knew it was impossible. She didn’t want to. She couldn’t anyway. He still found himself wanting to check every few minutes.</p><p>He started taking the longest possible route home as far from the bookstore as he could get. He remembered Clara complaining about Nina going to Starbucks all the time, so that was also on the list of places to stay away from. I he ever needed to get close he stayed on the other side of the street and kept his head down, fighting the urge to look in through the front window. </p><p>Most of his time outside of work was spent in Sheffield to help Jane and Yaz. Wedding preparations were well underway. He spent so much time there, trying to keep busy that he was running out of things to do.<br/>
“We can’t call this a stag party, because I’m a bride” Jane said, very loudly, in between sips of her drink.<br/>
“Well yeah, but we refuse to call ourselves hens” Dave said, even louder. John had lost track of the number of banana daiquiris his brother had drunk.<br/>
He shrugged, listening to them name increasingly bizarre animals. As the night went on he began to relax, forgetting every issue that had been plaguing him to instead make fun of his siblings.<br/>
“All I’m saying it that we should be joint best man” Dave grumbled.<br/>
“Jane made me best man because if you were best man, you, your best man speech would be so long that Jane and Yaz would have died of old age and you’d get asked to do a eulogy and we’d be stuck forever” John stated. Jane punched his shoulder.<br/>
“How dare you suggest that I’m going to get old,” she giggled. “And anyway, I actually picked John because he’s a better dancer.”<br/>
Dave stood up in outrage.<br/>
“You think mister ‘be the drunk giraffe’ is a better dancer than me?”<br/>
“Like you have a signature move?” John laughed. </p><p>On the train home the next day, John realised that he hadn’t laughed like that for days. He realised that he probably wouldn’t have another reason to laugh for days.</p><p>He knew he was turning back into what he was before when he noticed the bags under his eyes in his reflection on a slightly dirty mirror. It was enough to make Dr Vastra start to worry again, and he was growing increasingly conscious of the concerned stares that followed him throughout the corridors of the hospital. He had to keep going, constantly keeping himself occupied so that he didn’t have time to think.<br/>
Even with Amy and Rory he had stopped talking about Clara. He knew they thought it was because things were good and he didn’t need their advice, and he was enjoying listening to them talk about adopting too much to let them know the truth about the relationship that he had gotten them so invested in.<br/>
That was the official rule. No Clara. He didn’t even bring her up with his new therapist. No mentions of Clara with anyone. It wasn’t hard to avoid the subject, only three people knew about Clara, and two of them were in New York. Unfortunately the rule was immediately broken by the third person. John was supposed to be babysitting Jenny, and he had spent too much time debating how to tell her that everything with Clara had gone wrong.<br/>
“Is Auntie Clara here?” She said, the moment she entered his house. John choked on his drink.<br/>
“No- uh. We didn’t.. she’s not” he said. The hope in her eyes was too much. Almost enough to make him regret not fighting harder for her.<br/>
“Well why not? You were supposed to get together while I was on holiday”<br/>
“Sorry Jenny. I messed up”<br/>
Jenny looked confused. “Well just fix it then.”<br/>
A part of him wanted to laugh at her optimism.<br/>
“I’m not sure she’d want me to.”<br/>
Jenny hugged him tightly.<br/>
“I’d want you to”<br/>
“I thought you were here to play, not question my life choices” He said, now smiling down at her. As soon as he said the words he lost her to a world of pretend. Sometimes he caught her talking to an imaginary Clara and his heart would jump. He felt weak and sick and he just wanted to forget her.</p><p>Clara felt numb. She blocked out all of the guilt by trying to keep busy with the Maitlands, but Artie had just started Secondary school and now even he was beginning to move on from needing a nanny. She had pushed too hard with John and she lost him, and now she was terrified of pushing too hard with the Maitlands. She helped where she could, but times where they wanted her to were becoming rare. She spent more and more time at the bookstore, silently begging everyone who walked past to come in so that she could talk to someone. Nina was doing a great job of talking to her about John, but when every conversation seemed to lead to her talking about him she was starting to get sick of it.<br/>
“Clara you need to stop blaming yourself!” Nina yelled one of the times she caught Clara looking out the window.<br/>
“I scared him off. I asked too many questions and he got overwhelmed and stopped answering”<br/>
“If you asked too many questions he should have asked you to stop. He was perfectly capable of changing the subject!”.<br/>
Clara was beginning to wish that Nina would change the subject. If she had to hear one more ‘John clearly wasn’t good for you’ rant she would scream.</p><p>On a dry, if a bit cold, afternoon, Clara found herself sitting cross-legged by her mum’s grave, a flask of tea in hand.<br/>
“This feels ridiculous” she mumbled. She paused, giving long enough for a reply she knew wasn’t coming.<br/>
“I’m not sure where to start. There was a guy, mum, who I think you would have really liked. He was like us, you know? A bit of a wanderer. We went on adventures. He told me about all the pain in his past and I asked too many questions and pushed him too much and now he doesn’t want to talk to me. Nina keeps saying it’s his fault but I hate when she says bad things about him. He just stopped talking to me and I want to be mad. I want to hate him for making me feel like this. Nina is right and he should have communicated with me and all I want is to forget him but I love him”.<br/>
She caught her breath, chuckling awkwardly.<br/>
“I miss you. I miss you putting your arm around me and whispering your advice and wondering why I didn’t think of it. Dad’s rubbish at this stuff. Linda’s worse. I want you back, and I want John back and I want everything to be perfect” she cried, her head in her hands. “I want to think about him, to be in love with him without hating myself for making him feel so bad that he thought the only option was to just stop talking to me”<br/>
She wanted to feel comforted by the stone she sat by, but it was no replacement for the person it commemorated. She wanted someone who would listen and not interrupt and be helpful. She wanted to go back to being a carefree kid playing in the park. She cried until her head hurt, mourning the life she could have had if her mum hadn’t died, wishing she could have John there, desperate to just go and talk to him.</p><p>John was rewriting his speech for the wedding. It was his third attempt since Jane’s stag/hen/mutant ninja turtle party. He read over it once he had sobered up, and realised how much of it he had accidentally directed at his feelings towards Clara. He was finding it pretty hard to write a speech about love when he felt the way he did. His desk was covered in post-its and cue cards with scraps of a speech, ready to be put together like a jigsaw. None of the pieces seemed to fit together correctly. He worked as it grew dark outside, falling asleep at his desk. </p><p>He was woken the next morning by the early morning sun and his doorbell, ringing repeatedly.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wrote a surprising amount considering the plan that I wrote was “montage of them being miserable”<br/>Sort of a cliffhanger? Idk?<br/>I’m running out of planned chapters though</p><p>I'm really bored of self isolating please if anyone is reading this tell me, what is it like to go outside?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John’s heart pounded. Who could be at his house this time in the morning? He swayed slightly as he stood up. Perhaps he had been hoping so hard, so deep in his subconscious that he had manifested Clara appearing at the door at 5:30 am. He rubbed his eyes, running his fingers through his hair. He needed to at least look presentable. He caught his reflection in the mirror, realising he would probably need a week of sleep before he could look presentable. The doorbell rang again, and he took a deep breath, unlocking and opening the door.<br/>“Hey,” he mumbled, finally looking up.<br/>There was a flash of ginger as the unexpected visitor threw herself at him. He laughed, pushing all signs of mild disappointment away.<br/>“Hello Ponds!”<br/>“Back together, in the flesh, huh Doctor?”<br/>John held her. He forgot just how comfortable a hug from his best friend could be. He saw Rory, standing on the sidelines, holding the bags with an awkward expression and he dragged him in to join the hug. He didn’t want to let go ever again.</p><p>“Come along Ponds!” He said, finally breaking away from the hug to lead them into the kitchen for drinks and food. He had packets of biscuits strewn across the counters for them to eat, and the kitchen was filling with the smell of fresh coffee while they chatted about everything they could think of.<br/>“What are you guys even doing here?”<br/>“We’re friends with Jane as well as you. We aren’t missing her wedding just because we live in New York!” Amy explained.<br/>“Yeah, but the wedding is in Sheffield. In four days”<br/>Rory punched him in the shoulder.<br/>“We came here early to hang out with you, dummy”</p><p>For the next few hours they lost themselves in ideas and plans for the next four days, all of their favourite things to do in London and all of the people they wanted to catch up with before going up to Sheffield. </p><p> It was Amy who eventually broke the spell.<br/>“So, when do we get to meet Bookstore Girl then?” She nudged John with her foot, teasing him.<br/>His fingers drummed on the side of the coffee mug and he stared down at the reflections of the light in the coffee. Amy nudged him again.<br/>“Seriously are you going to make us wait until the wedding?”<br/>John shook his head.<br/>“She’s, she’s not coming to the wedding. We aren’t, we stopped talking”.<br/>He felt Rory pat his shoulder.<br/>“Sorry mate”.<br/>He expected Amy to drop it. She did not. He had clearly forgotten what talking to Amy was like.<br/>“But why? You proper liked her! Was it about Mels?”<br/>John shook his head a little too quickly.<br/>“You’re going to tell me what happened and you are not going to lie to me because I have known you since we were seven and I know when you are lying, Doctor” <br/>John crossed his arms, leaning back in the chair. He was going for cool, but knew he really just looked like a toddler having a strop.<br/>“Her friend showed up at work,” he explained. “She told me to take better care of Clara than I did with Mels”<br/>He could see the anger and sadness flash across Amy’s face as she listened. <br/>“It made me realise I still blame myself a little, and I was going to talk to her about it, but it was something else she said. She told me Clara didn’t send her to talk to me”<br/>“And you wouldn’t have thought that anyway, but once she said it you realised that maybe Clara did send her,” Rory finished for him.<br/>John nodded.<br/>“She was so scared of getting hurt like Mels was that she sent her friend to tell me instead of talking to me herself. And she was right. I couldn’t protect Mels, and I can’t protect her”<br/>“Don’t say that Raggedy Man. It’s not your fault and you know it. She didn’t blame you. If she blamed you she wouldn’t have let you talk to her in the ambulance. She was happy you were home, safe, in time to say goodbye. No blame. The only person at fault was arrested. Got that?”<br/>He nodded like a scolded child.<br/>“Secondly,” Amy continued, standing up and pulling her coat back on. “She should have talked to you. She shouldn’t have made you feel like this. And I am going to go and give her a piece of my mind”<br/>“Amy, maybe you shouldn’t…”<br/>“Rory, I am going, because she hurt him. Yes, I don’t actually know where the bookstore is, but I can look it up on the way, and yes, I don’t have a car, but I will walk, because that gives me more time to plan how I’m going to yell at her.”<br/>“Amy, no, come on. She’s done with me, I’m done with her. We tried, that’s it.”<br/>Amy hugged him. <br/>“You say that, but if that was it you would have told us without all the hesitation and sad faces. She hurt you and nobody hurts you without feeling my wrath. Rory, make sure he stays here and doesn’t try to stop me or find a way to warn her or anything.”<br/>Rory opened his mouth to argue, immediately snapping it shut after a glare from his wife. The door slammed shut behind her and the men sank down on the couch.<br/>“So if Clara turns up dead” Rory mumbled.<br/>“Don’t even start. She might have messed with my head but I wouldn’t wish that Scottish ball of rage on my worst enemy”.</p><p>It had been three weeks since Clara had last heard from John and she still couldn’t bring herself to be angry. She kept going, stacking books and chatting with the few customers that came and keeping the place clean. The shop had never been so spotless than it had in the last three weeks, but she had to admit that the lack of biscuit crumbs from John was the main reason for the reduction in mess. The packet of jammy dodgers now sat, half eaten and going stale in the back of a cupboard in the tiny kitchen. Nina was out again, and as per usual the shop owner was off somewhere. The shop was empty and, once again, Clara was alone. The early autumn sun poured in through the window as Clara finally settled down with a copy of Emma and a pencil, underlining and making notes on her favourite lines.<br/>Bright ginger stormed past the shop window, making Clara jump. The door flew open as the ginger woman stepped inside.<br/>“Clara Oswald?”<br/>Clara stood up, putting her book down. Her heart jumped as she realised just who the woman was.<br/>“Amy? Amy Pond? John’s friend? I thought he said you were in New York.”<br/>“Oh don’t try that whole nice sweet five foot tall, doe eyes, batting your eyelashes and acting all innocent” Amy yelled. She pulled a book off a shelf and dropped it on the floor, reminding Clara of a cat knocking a glass over.<br/>“Okay, first of all, I’m five foot, two inches. Secondly, please pick that up, I spent a while organising that shelf. And finally, most importantly, what?”<br/>Amy narrowed her eyes, pulling another book off the shelf.<br/>“You know what I’m talking about.”<br/>Clara laughed nervously, shaking her head.<br/>“I really, really don’t”<br/>“Oh, so you just don’t remember that you blamed John for the death of his last girlfriend?”<br/>Clara sat down, staring up at Amy. She took a deep breath. No getting confused or defensive. She really didn’t understand what was going on, but Amy didn’t look ready to explain herself. She closed her eyes, thinking about what to say next.<br/>“Please, I really don’t know what you are talking about. Maybe instead of asking vague questions you should yell at me about what you think I’ve done and I can figure it out from there.”<br/>“You know what you did!” Amy yelled. When she got no response from Clara she tried again. “The poor man finally felt safe enough that he could open up to you, and what did you do? You sent a friend to his place of work, where he was working, at his amazing job, saving kid’s lives. You sent your friend to yell at him, to tell him to take better care of you than he did of Mels. He’s spent the last three weeks blaming himself for not protecting her. It took us months for us to get him to stop blaming himself and you just sent your friend to bring it all back again. Remember?”</p><p>Clara still stayed silent, thinking. It was all there in front of her, she just needed to connect the dots. Like she had been told the main plot points of the last few weeks and now she just had to figure out how they connected together.<br/>“Well?” Amy snapped. “Aren’t you going to say something?”<br/>Clara stood back up, smiling politely. This was like customer service, just a little more complicated. Or like one of the Maitlands teenage tantrums.<br/>“Would you like a cup of tea?”<br/>“WOULD YOU STOP BEING NICE WHILE I’M YELLING AT YOU”<br/>Amy pulled another book off the shelf, glaring at Clara, who didn’t react. She knocked over a few more, still waiting for a reaction. When that didn’t work she started turning the books around, so the titles on the spines faced the wall. Clara still waited in silence, patient and somewhat bored.<br/>“Fine, whatever, milk, one sugar” she mumbled, turning the dust jacket inside out on one last book for good measure.</p><p>Amy sat on the children’s storytime rug, legs crossed, drinking tea face to face with the woman she had decided was her worst enemy just a few hours ago. She sipped the tea with a dubious expression, still waiting for Clara to say something. The silence was unbearable.<br/>“I have to admit,” she mumbled, “you get the amount of milk perfect”.</p><p>The peace offering of tea had finally calmed the fiery ginger who now sat opposite Clara. <br/>“So, John didn’t stop talking to me because I was asking too many questions about Mels?”<br/>Amy shook her head, eating one of the stale jammy dodgers that sat on a plate between them.<br/>“He liked the questions. They were really helping him finally process everything that was going on in his head”<br/>Clara nodded slowly. <br/>“He stopped talking to me because he thinks I don’t trust him to keep me safe”<br/>“Yeah, because you think it’s his fault Mels died, and you sent your friend to tell him that” Amy replied, staring at Clara as if it was obvious.<br/>“Okay, right. Except I don’t think it’s his fault, and I didn’t send anyone”<br/>“Then why did your friend show up at the hospital to yell at him?” Amy snapped, causing Clara to lean back away in alarm. <br/>“I don’t know but…” she gasped. “Oh I’m gonna kill her”<br/>It was Clara’s turn to be angry and Amy was surprised at the amount of rage that fit inside the five-foot-two woman. <br/>Clara was also surprised at how angry she was. She was angry at John, for not telling her what happened. She was angry at herself, for not trying to explain everything to John. She was angry at the bookstore because, as the person who had to clean up, she couldn’t mess up the shelves and throw books everywhere like Amy had done. But most of all she was angry at Nina. Nina, who had gotten involved in something she had asked her to stay out of. Nina, who she had trusted with the knowledge of the situation. Nina, who had been there for her and vice versa since they were kids. Nina, who very unfortunately at that moment, was walking through the door with a cup of coffee and a bag of shopping.<br/>“Hey!” She said cheerfully, then gestured to Amy. “We actually have a customer?”<br/>Clara didn’t respond.<br/>“Who is she? What did she do to the shelf? Are you mad at her?”<br/>Clara looked up at her, knowing that any moment her emotions would betray her and she would start crying.<br/>“Are you mad at me?” Nina finally said, chuckling weakly.<br/>“John Smith”<br/>“Oh you’re mad at him” Nina sounded relieved. “Finally! I kept telling you, he cut you out for no reason, be mad at him, didn’t I?”<br/>“Except it wasn’t for no reason, was it?” <br/>“W-what?”<br/>Nina winced. Clara could tell that she was struggling to keep the rising panic out of her voice.<br/>“Even after I told you that it wasn’t his job to protect me. Even after I told you that nothing that happened in his past was his fault, after I told you that it wasn’t your problem to solve and made you promise to let me handle everything, you went behind my back and did everything I told you not to? Where he worked. In front of his colleagues.”<br/>Nina shook her head, holding her hands up.<br/>“In my defence, it was somewhere private, not in front of his colleagues”<br/>“I can’t believe you. You kept saying it wasn’t my fault he stopped talking to me. I should have known it was yours”<br/>“I was scared of losing you, Clara” Nina whispered, pleading with her. “You spent all of girls night on the phone to him and then I was scared that he wouldn’t take care of you and he’d drag you away from me and then I was scared that you would find out what I said to him so I tried to get you to move on, but only because I was scared of losing you.”<br/>“Well guess what? You’re losing me” Clara mumbled. “I’ll have to talk to Pete and Missy, because I’m not working any more shifts with you. I want you to stay out of my life”<br/>Nina hung her head.<br/>“I’ll talk to them. I only got this job to spend time with you, so I’ll just go find a new one. I’ll clean up this mess too”<br/>“You better had” Clara whispered, storming out of the shop with Amy following behind her.<br/>“Where are you going?” Amy called to her.<br/>Clara smiled, despite the tears that rolled down her face.<br/>“Where do you think? To talk to the one person I’ve wanted to talk to for the last three weeks.”</p><p>John and Rory were in the middle of a very intense game of tennis on the wii (which both men where surprised to find still worked) when the doorbell rang.<br/>“Police here to tell us they caught Amy hitting Clara over the head with an encyclopaedia?” Rory suggested, blinking in surprise when John laughed.<br/>John jumped over the back of the couch to go to the door, flinging it open.<br/>“Amy!” He yelled. He froze when he saw who stood behind her, his heart beating so fast it felt like there were two of them. “Clara?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I stayed up way too late writing this<br/>Also I had way too much fun picturing Amy messing with the books to get revenge on Clara<br/>I may not be the best at describing things but it was hilarious in my head</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I thought Amy would have killed you,” John said, genuine surprise filling his voice.<br/>“She almost did. Settled for messing with my nice, organised bookshelves”<br/>“How Amy of her” he chuckled.<br/>Amy punched him in the shoulder, walking inside to grab her husband and drag him to the phone box in the garden, giving her friend some privacy.</p><p>John sat on the couch, Clara at the other end, facing him. There were no cups of tea to hide behind, no distractions. His mind raced.<br/>“I’m really sorry John.” The silence was finally broken by Clara. “I honestly had no idea what Nina said to you. I made her promise she wouldn’t interfere, I can’t believe her.”<br/>He shrugged. <br/>“She was trying to protect you.”<br/>“I don’t need protecting, not by her and not by you.” She took his hand, running her thumb over the back of it. He smiled weakly. “Why didn’t you just call me, explain what was going on”<br/>“I have a duty of care” he said.<br/>“I never asked for that”<br/>He ignored her, continuing. “She got in my head. I thought you were safer without me and if I called you to tell you that, if I heard your voice then it would make me too selfish to let you go”.<br/>“You could have told me” she whispered. He shook his head. “I thought I had done something wrong. I thought you didn’t…”<br/>“I do” he cut her off. He really hoped he had guessed where her sentence was going correctly.</p><p>The conversation was soon ended when Clara was distracted by the sight of Amy and Rory wandering around in the garden. After all, there’s only so long you can spend in a box full of memories you were there for. The four of them went out for dinner at Donna’s café, John and Clara agreeing to carry on talking another time. As they walked back Amy suddenly grabbed Clara’s hand and dragged her into a shop, both confusing and concerning the boys.<br/>“What are you doing?” Clara laughed, surprised.<br/>“Dress shopping? You’re coming to Jane’s wedding, aren’t you?”<br/>Clara had completely forgotten about the wedding. She’d just assumed that she had been uninvited and it had slipped her mind. She turned to John, who stood in the shop entrance, looking entirely perplexed.<br/>“Jane said she wouldn’t cancel my plus one in case I found someone else. You can come, if you still want to”<br/>“Of course I want to”.</p><p>John sat outside the changing rooms, waiting for Clara to show him the dress.<br/>“Are you sure this isn’t bad luck” he said. Amy gave him a confused stare.<br/>“Is Clara the bride?” <br/>“No”<br/>“Are you the groom?”<br/>“No”<br/>“Is this your wedding”<br/>“No”<br/>She patted him on the shoulder.<br/>“I think you’re fine”.<br/>When Clara stepped out of the changing room he almost wished it was their wedding. Clara could not contain her laughter when noticed how he seemed to visibly short-circuit after seeing her.<br/>“It’s good then?”</p><p>After the days of general shenanigans in London the four of them packed their bags and piled into John’s car for the long journey to Sheffield. Within minutes the Ponds had fallen asleep in the back seats, finally giving Clara and John the chance to talk.<br/>“So, John, what was it like spending three weeks without me?” Clara began.<br/>“Hell” John replied. He wanted to look at her, to show her that he really really meant it, but he was scared of crashing the car.i<br/>“It was dull. It hurt. I felt guilty and numb and cold and the only person I wanted to talk to was you, but I felt like that would endanger you and I couldn’t let myself do that to you just so I could relieve the pain”.<br/>He surprised her. She hadn’t actually expected him to be that honest about it.<br/>“I wanted so badly to hate you, but I just couldn’t bring myself to” she confessed.<br/>“Understandable really. I’m not sure why I thought what I was doing was the right way to deal with it”<br/>“I’m not sure why I didn’t just come to your house”<br/>“I would probably have been out if you did. I kept throwing myself into work and wedding stuff to stop myself from realising that I missed you. Not that it worked when I lost Mels”<br/>Clara smiled, resting her head against the cold glass window.<br/>“Actually, I know why I didn’t go to your house. Nina kept stopping me. She kept trying to keep me away from you. She was scared you would tell me what she did”<br/>John nodded, deep in thought about what she said. He heard her sniffling next to him and he took one hand off the wheel to hold hers.<br/>“Nina was my best friend” she whispered, fighting back tears. “I’ve never seen her be so manipulative and calculating. She said she was scared of losing me to you, but she’s never done that with any of my past relationships. It’s like she became a whole different person” <br/>“People act out when they’re scared”<br/>“No, no. This wasn’t her lashing out. I’ve known her for years, I’ve seen that happen. It’s like she planned this. Maybe she’s just not the person I thought I knew”<br/>John sighed.<br/>“Maybe not”</p><p>Night had fallen and the car had been filled with the smell of fast food from a service station by the time they arrived at the hotel. The beautiful house with ivy growing up the walls, surrounding gardens and lake could just about be made out in the dark and rain was drizzling as the four of them rushed inside, giggling and squealing like excited children. They crashed to a halt at the front desk where a young man stood, smiling politely. <br/>“And what time do you call this?” Jane laughed, running down the stairs to greet them, leaping into John’s outstretched arms. He stumbled backwards, crashing into a chair behind him and nearly knocking over an expensive looking vase. Clara rolled her eyes at him and laughed as the young man’s smile faltered.<br/>Jane stood back up, brushing her hair out of her face to greet the others.<br/>“We’ve been living in New York for nearly a year but it’s the one who sees you regularly who gets the hug?” Amy pouted, crossing her arms.<br/>“Do you want me to jump on you?” <br/>Jane didn’t wait for a reply, already taking a run up and forcing Amy to duck out of the way with a yelp.<br/>“You’re a little hyper”.<br/>“Well, Yaz is the love of my life, I’ve literally never loved anyone this much before, just thinking about her is enough to brighten my day and I am marrying her in just less than fourteen hours” <br/>She was giggling like a toddler on a sugar rush. “I don’t know how I’m going to get to sleep tonight, I’m so excited”<br/>She shook her head, as though she was shaking away all thoughts of the wedding so that she could focus on the task at hand. <br/>“Let’s get you checked in and then Ponds and Clara, I’m assuming that is Clara, can come meet Yaz”</p><p>John trailed after Jane as she lead him through the corridors of the hotel. His arm still stung from Amy teasingly punching him after they realised he would have to share not just a room, but also a bed with Clara. A part of him was excited, but he wasn’t sure what Clara thought about it so he was desperately trying to not show it. He looked over at her, smiling briefly when their eyes met. They barely got the chance to talk as they played board games and listened to Yaz and Jane gushing about each other.<br/>John eventually had to drag Jane back to her own room to avoid any bad luck or judgement from superstitious family members.<br/>“You know John” Jane said, pausing as she was closing her bedroom door.<br/>He blinked sleepily.<br/>“When someone says something funny, and everyone in the room laughs, the only person you look at is Clara. The only person Clara looks at is you. I think you two really love each other.”<br/>“If your laughter theory was correct you wouldn’t have seen who we were looking at because you would have been looking at Yaz” he mumbled, pulling the door closed.<br/>“I had to tear my eyes away from her to look at you” Jane muttered through the door.</p><p>Clara finished brushing her teeth and quickly pulled her hair into a ponytail. She wasn’t sure why she was trying so hard to make it look nice. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that outside the bathroom door, John was sitting very patiently on the bed, reading through his speech one last time.<br/>She opened the door, catching the look on his face.<br/>“You’re staring at me like you did when I showed you the dress for tomorrow”<br/>“You just look really nice”<br/>“I’m wearing pyjamas”<br/>“You always look really nice”<br/>Clara sat down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.<br/>“You don’t always do that face” <br/>“Not when you’re looking, it would be embarrassing if I constantly looked like my brain just crashed from not being able to compute how awesome you are.”<br/>Clara yawned, sinking lower into the bed and pulling the blankets around herself.<br/>“I think you’re getting better at flirting” she whispered as he turned the lights off.<br/>“I think you’ve stolen all of the blankets” he whispered back.</p><p>Neither Clara nor John realised that they were holding hands as they made their way to the ceremony until John had to tear himself away to go be with Jane and Dave. <br/>“So what happened last night?” Amy’s voice behind her making her jump.<br/>“John looks like a penguin in that suit” Clara said, ignoring Amy’s question.<br/>“Don’t you dare hold out on us”. Amy stepped in front of Clara so that she couldn’t keep staring at John as he talked with his siblings. Clara looked up at Amy.<br/>“He said something about his brain crashing because I’m too awesome and we went to sleep. That was it”<br/>Rory laughed at Amy’s disappointed look.</p><p>“Do you, Jane Smith, take Yasmin Khan to be your lawful wedded wife?”<br/>“I absolutely do”<br/>“I now pronounce you married. You may kiss”<br/>Yaz and Jane faced each other, beaming at each other. Yaz pulled Jane towards her by the lapels of her suit, kissing her as Jane rested her arms on her wife’s shoulders. <br/>“Brilliant” Jane whispered.</p><p>John looked out at the small crowd of people all waiting for him to speak. The pile of notes in front of him had never looked so daunting. He saw Clara giving him the thumbs up and mouthing encouragement to him.<br/>“Hi, I’m John, Jane’s brother. First of all, thank you to everyone here for coming. To be completely honest, I always thought that Jane would ask Dave to be best man at her wedding so this came as a total shock to me. So what is there to say about Jane? Well for starters she was born at a very young age, only enjoying a year of being the youngest before I came along to turn her into the dreaded middle child. I have the absolute honour of being one of the few people who has known her their whole life, a life with the kindest, funniest, most brilliant sister anyone could ask her. And despite what you may think, she didn’t tell me to say that. <br/>One thing I can say about Jane is that she’s here. She’s always here, she’s nearly impossible to get rid of. From all the childhood tumbled and scrapes, to some of the hardest times, she’s always been here for me. And I know she’ll always be there for you Yaz. She has been since the 7th October, 2018.<br/>I know that date, I wrote that date down, because that was the first time in almost thirty years that Jane called me to tell me about a girl she had just met. She’s never done that before, and we always said that the girl she told us about before meeting her was the girl she would marry. You are truly special Yaz, and the best girl we could have hoped for our Jane to find.<br/>Be prepared for some of the best, and the most ridiculous days of your life.” He looked back at Clara.<br/>“Look forward to every coming adventure with the woman you love. Cherish every moment you spend together, as you have cherished all of those in the past.” He raised his glass.<br/>“To the happy couple. And to all of the happy days to come”.<br/>John collapsed back into his seat as the sound of clapping, feeling like he was going to black out.<br/>All of his nervous energy from to speech had nowhere to go and he found himself bouncing in his seat as he tried to concentrate on watching the first dance. <br/>Jane let Yaz lead her around the dance floor, being too clumsy to take the lead. John watched as Jane and Yaz whispered little jokes to each other, seeing how Jane was repeatedly distracted by how sparkly Yaz’s blazer was. When the song came to an end they still didn’t let go of each other, holding on until Hakim joined them to dance with Yaz, and Dave to dance with Jane. John knew he wanted something like that, and when he looked at Clara, chatting away with Amy and Rory, he knew exactly who he wanted it with.<br/>A hand in front of his face interrupted his thoughts. <br/>“You coming?” Yaz’s sister said, grinning at him.<br/>“Coming where?”<br/>“Best man and maid of honour. Supposed to dance. You agreed to it”<br/>“Oh. Sure” <br/>He followed her to the others, who were moving onto their own dancing. He let her show him what to do. This spectacularly failing attempt at ballroom was not the kind of dance he was used to.<br/>“You know” she whispered to him, “some people say the best man and maid of honour hook up at weddings”<br/>He stopped, looking at her in surprise.<br/>“I’m here with someone”<br/>“Girlfriend? Or boyfriend?”<br/>“Girl. But not really official. It’s sort of a mess”<br/>“Lucky her” she laughed. <br/>He carried on dancing with the maid of honour, Sonya, for a lot longer than he really intended. At the end of each song he would be just about to go to Clara when she would grab him again for the next one, in order to continue grilling him about his relationship.<br/>“There won’t be a relationship if you make me ignore her the whole night” he said, finally managing to escape her.<br/>Clara watched from her seat with Amy and Rory as John danced. She watched how he was talking and laughing and whispering things to the maid of honour.<br/>“They say the best man and maid of honour hook up at weddings” Amy joked, poking her arm.<br/>“What?” Clara muttered, still not taking her eyes off John.<br/>“Is that why you’re giving them the mother of all dirty looks?”<br/>Clara turned away a little too quickly.<br/>“No I’m not”<br/>Amy shoved her playfully, forcing her out of her seat. <br/>“Since you’re up, you might as well go cut in, ask him to dance with you”<br/>Clara groaned, knowing Amy was right. She had come here to spend time with John, and that is what she was going to do, whether the maid of honour liked it or not. As she slipped between tables and ducked around chatting couples she caught his eye. He was already making his way towards her, an apologetic grin on his face. The moment felt like a dream, or a fairytale, a princess finally going to the ball with her prince. The perfect ball gown and the perfect Prince Charming just a few steps away.<br/>“Milady” he said, bowing his head as if he had heard her thoughts.<br/>“May I have this dance?” She held out her hand, feeling butterflies as he took it and pulled her towards the dance floor.<br/>“I would like to warn you…”<br/>He was cut off by the small blonde girl tugging at his jacket.<br/>“Hey Jenny” Clara and John said in unison, almost surprised that she had made her way into the oblivious fantasy they had surrounded themselves with.<br/>“Dad said we have to go home early but I get to dance with you for ten minutes while he and Mum say bye to everyone” she said.<br/>John smiled apologetically at Clara, mouthing an apology. <br/>“You’ll just have to make it up to me in ten minutes” she whispered, backing away to watch.<br/>He looked like a natural with her, letting her stand on his feet while he danced and picking her up to spin her around on his shoulders. She knew it shouldn’t surprise her, he did work with kids, but this felt different. She saw a man who wasn’t just good with kids because he had to be, he clearly adored the girl.<br/>“He’d make a great dad” Amy’s voice whispered in her ear, making her jump.<br/>“Would you stop doing that” she hissed.<br/>“What, reading your mind or making you jump?”<br/>“Both”<br/>Amy put an arm around her shoulder.<br/>“Well I was just going to invite you to dance with me and Rory but I simply couldn’t resist the opportunity when you’re staring at him like that. You know your face is super easy to read”<br/>“I would like to dance with you guys” Clara said, deciding it best that she didn’t confirm or deny anything.</p><p>Half an hour later Dave appeared to get Jenny and John was feeling a little out of breath. Judging from the level of drunkness in the room and how Dave’s wedding had gone he guessed he had one last song to dance with Clara before all of the cheesy wedding classics would start. He spun on the spot, seeing her with Amy and Rory and hurried over. He couldn’t let himself miss the chance.<br/>“Clara! Finally, no more interruptions. May I have this dance, because I’m 90% sure the next song is gonna be Come on Eileen or something.”<br/>Clara practically leaped into his arms.<br/>“I don’t care what the songs are as long as I’m dancing to them with you”<br/>And so they danced. They laughed and joked and John taught her to ‘be the drunk giraffe’ and they span around and the rest of the world didn’t exist or matter and before they knew it people were leaving and the clocked ticked into the early hours of the morning, leaving just John and Clara, Amy and Rory and Jane and Yaz alone. </p><p>Clara rested her head on John’s arm as he walked her back to their room.<br/>“I think I have a new favourite song” she murmured.<br/>“Which one?”<br/>“The first one, the Pretty Woman one. Might be a little cheesy.”<br/>He fumbled with the door key, trying to formulate a response.<br/>“The first song we danced together to” he finally managed to stutter, not sure where all of the nerves had come from.<br/>Clara nodded, reaching up to place a hand on his cheek. He dipped his head.<br/>“Can-can I?”<br/>She nodded again and before he knew it he was kissing her. All of the build up and every time he had wanted to kiss her but had just been too scared was coming together in that moment.<br/>All of Clara’s worries melted away. Nothing else was important but them as she kissed him, and for the third time that night it felt as though they were the only two people in the world.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter is probably the longest I ever have and ever will write and I’m sorry about that but I couldn’t figure out the best way to break it up <br/>Also I’m too tired to go back and edit so sorry if it’s a mess</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hours passed and John couldn’t sleep, terrified that he would open his eyes to find that Clara was gone. Every time he found himself sinking into sleep he had to snap himself awake and check she was still there, her nose just centimetres from his, her hair a tangled mess on the pillow and on her cheek. He reached up brushing it back behind her ear, letting the moonlight that shone through the curtains shine on her face. She was there, it was real. Her shadow fell on the pillow, just visible in the dark. He watched how it moved when she stirred and rolled over, comforted that this wasn’t all just a cruel trick played by a universe that had already hurt him too much. He finally closed his eyes, certain that she would still be there when he woke. </p><p>When Clara opened her eyes she was taken by surprise at the darkness and the warmth. The second thing she noticed was that it was incredibly difficult to breath, and after she wriggled around, trying to remember where she was and what was happening through the morning confusion it became clear what had happened. At some point during the night she had rolled over, burying her face between John’s shoulders and the mattress having lost herself in the comfort of him simply being there with her. She gently lifted his arm off her, pulling the blankets back over him when he shivered. The first rays of the autumn sun struggling through thick curtains, just about lighting her way as she padded to the bathroom. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror, seeing her makeup from the night before still smudged on her face. The dizzying thrill of the kiss with John had clearly distracted her from washing it away.  </p><p>John awoke to the sound of the shower running and an empty space next to him. He ran his hands through his hair, his mind racing. He dragged himself out of the bed, pulling on the nearest shirt and pants, his clothes from the night before which lay abandoned in a ball. The shirt was crinkled and when he actually looked at it, inside out, but he was in too much of a rush to worry as he ran down the hallway and crashed into Amy and Rory’s door. The door swung open and he stumbled a little before Rory pushed him back upright and out of the room.<br/>“Amy will kill you if you wake her up” Rory hissed.<br/>“We kissed last night” John replied.<br/>“You know I think I’d remember that”<br/>“Not me and you idiot,” John said, tapping on Rory’s head, “me and Clara”.<br/>“I owe Amy a tenner” Rory grumbled. “She bet it would be last night, I was so sure it would be in the morning”<br/>“You’ve been making bets about our relationship?”<br/>“We share a bank account, it’s not like it’s really gambling, we aren’t at risk of losing any money”<br/>“Funnily enough, that wasn’t my problem with it” John muttered.<br/>He walked back to his room, having found the talk with Rory completely unhelpful. He returned to the room just in time to hear the shower shutting off.<br/>Clara stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel.<br/>“Your shirt is inside out” she said, without missing a beat.<br/>“It seems it is” he mumbled.<br/>“How did you even button it?”<br/>“I have no idea”<br/>She laughed and he realised how much he adored the sound of her laughter, and how her eyes lit up with joy made him fill with joy too.</p><p>Clara he grown used to the feeling of John’s hand holding hers on their adventures throughout the summer, but this time it felt new. There was something different about the way she slipped her hand into his, like she was scared that she would break this new bond and lose him completely. She held on gently as they made their way down the staircase when his hand closed around hers and all of her fears melted away. A reassuring squeeze and a kiss pressed to the back of her hand was all she needed to remind her that this was real, and the bond couldn’t be broken.<br/>Jane stood at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for them like an excited labrador, Yaz just behind her, watching with an amused grin.<br/>“Did you just kiss Clara?” The words tumbled from Jane’s mouth as if she couldn’t get them out fast enough.<br/>“Uhhh”<br/>“What about last night?”<br/>John narrowed his eyes.<br/>“What do you mean?”<br/>“Did you and Clara kiss last night? After the wedding?”<br/>John opened his mouth but nothing came out. He turned to Clara, looking helpless.<br/>“Yes. We did” Clara said, holding back a smile wider than the Cheshire cat’s. <br/>Jane cheered, turning to Yaz.<br/>“Babe you owe me a tenner”.<br/>“Have you been making bets about our relationship?” Clara gasped, earning a laugh from Rory.<br/>“You really must be soulmates or something, I had the exact same conversation with John this morning.”<br/>Soulmates. She liked the sound of that.</p><p>John pulled Clara closer, his tweed jacket wrapped around her as they waved goodbye to the royal blue car, Yaz at the wheel and Jane leaning out as far as she could to blow kisses and wave to everyone standing outside the hotel. <br/>“It’s cold” Clara mumbled.<br/>“That’s why they’re going somewhere sunny for their honeymoon” <br/>“My lips are cold” <br/>John finally got the hint, pulling her closer to him with the tweed he had draped over her shoulders.<br/>The kiss was cut short by Amy’s teasing as she ruffled his hair.<br/>“Our raggedy man has a girlfriend”<br/>Girlfriend. He liked the sound of that.</p><p>Tears blurred John’s vision when they stood outside Sheffield airport, counting down the minutes until Amy and Rory needed to go.<br/>“Come visit us in New York soon raggedy man, don’t just disappear on us like last time we left” Amy whispered as she hugged him. “And don’t mess up with Clara again. Clara, here’s my number. If he messes up again, call me. I’ll be on the first flight back here to smack him”<br/>Clara laughed, catching John’s terrified expression out of the corner of her eye.<br/>Rory stepped forward.<br/>“I’m not sure what to say that Amy hasn’t. Take care of each other”<br/>“And you too, Ponds. Good luck with the adoption meeting, tell me how it goes, and how long it will be until we can meet the little Pond. Puddle, if you will.”<br/>Rory shook his head.<br/>“I will not. Bye mate”</p><p>John slumped into Clara’s side once they were back in his battered blue mini. <br/>“I’m gonna miss them”<br/>“I think you already do”. There was a moment of silence as he sat up. “Why do they call you raggedy man?”<br/>John adopted a wistfully expression as he started the car, finally ready for the return to London.<br/>“It was just after we moved in with our grandparents in leadworth, and they had gone out and left Dave to keep an eye on me and Jane. Rose came to visit, so Dave was distracted and me and Jane decided we wanted to ride go cart we had out of a bike and some wood with Grandad. We rode it around for a while but we wanted to see how fast it could really go. Of course, we were dumb kids who liked to experiment and Jane managed to figure out how to cut the brakes so that we had to go fast without stopping it when we got scared. The first ride I lost control and crashed it through Amy’s shed. That’s how she met me, climbing out of the wreckage of the go cart and shed, covered in dirt and loads of rips in my shirt where bits of wood had caught it. It was really fun at the time but Gran made me get a tetanus shot because of the scratches from the dirty wood and nails and we were grounded for two weeks. Amy’s called me raggedy man ever since”.<br/>He turned to Clara, who was staring, open mouthed, stuck somewhere between shock and laughter.<br/>“I feel like you were expecting more heartwarming inside joke than chaotic danger children crash a  bike-car-hybrid through a shed”.<br/>“Just a bit” she mumbled, closing her eyes, “but it’s very you.”<br/>He laughed. <br/>“You know, I’m not sure if I trust you to drive after that story. Are the brakes still intact?”<br/>“I hate you”<br/>“You love me really” she whispered, pulling her jacket closer around her, yawning.<br/>He focused on the road ahead, thinking.<br/>“Yeah. Yeah I think I do” he whispered back, risking a glance at her. She had already fallen asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A slightly shorter (and incredibly late) one because exams are coming and school has been like a bunch of consecutive slaps in the face recently <br/>I watched way too many Christmas films today</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two months and three dates later and John and Clara still felt as though they were nothing more than two friends. In between John’s busy schedule and Clara having to watch the kids they appeared to be drifting apart even faster than they had crashed into each other’s lives, and John wasn’t sure how long it would be until they were nothing to each other but comets passing in space and never falling into orbit. <br/>“How pretentious and melancholy” he muttered, sinking deeper into his favourite chair in the staff room, arms crossed and his head tipping forward until his chin rested on his chest.</p><p>“You have the appearance of an elderly man when you nap like that.”<br/>John woke with a start, to see the orderly standing over him, staring through narrowed eyes.<br/>“Morning Strax.” He grunted, picking himself up.<br/>“Afternoon actually. 0100 hours. I was sent to inform you that your lunch break is over.”<br/>John nodded, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he made his way back to the ward and reading over the last message he’d sent.<br/>“Hey, I know it’s short notice but I’m on my lunch break for an hour if you wanted to pick you up a coffee and come to the bookstore while I can? X”</p><p>No reply. Not even read. He forced himself not to throw it against the wall, instead turning to Strax.<br/>“Take my phone. Do not even let it into my sight until I’m done with my shift.” He glanced through the window into the ward, where children sat in the dreary room. “It can be miserable enough in there without the doctor spending every second anxious to check his phone.” He wasn’t even sure why he was explaining, Strax had snatched the phone out of his hand the moment he held it out to him, admiring it for a moment before hiding it in a pocket. <br/>“Okay Doctor.” John whispered to himself. “Just one shift.”<br/>He pushed the door open and strode towards the first patient with the silliest face he knew would always cheer the 5 year old up.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s eleven.” <br/>Clara jumped, looking up to see the owner of the bookstore, Basil, standing across the room, flicking through the pages of War and Peace.<br/>“Where’s Wally?”<br/>“That isn’t a where’s Wally book.” She said, wondering if he could hear the confusion that laced her voice.<br/>He glared at the book, angry eyebrows almost meeting, and pushed it back onto the shelf.<br/>“That’s twelve.” He muttered.<br/>“Twelve what?”<br/>“Twelve times that you have picked up your phone, started typing and then put it back down.” He sauntered over to the desk, looking smug. “It’s almost as if you’re putting off texting someone.”<br/>Clara scoffed, shoving the phone back into her pocket a little too fast and looking away a little too pointedly, trying not to turn back as she saw him grow even more smug out of the corner of her eye.<br/>It lasted three painfully long seconds.<br/>“So what if I am? You spent sixth months travelling across America with just your guitar because you didn’t want to reply to a text from Missy. I had to do it because you left your phone here so I couldn’t call you and make you come back.”<br/>“To be fair your boyfriend is probably less scary than Missy.”<br/>“He is not my boyfriend.” She hissed. The wait for his snarky response grew longer and longer. “What is this? I don’t like this. What are you doing.” He just stared at her. “Are you having a stroke? I know you’re getting old.” She waited. “Really, nothing? If you’re doing that thing where you stay quiet and I admit all my secrets to fill the awkward silence then it won’t work because I’m more stubborn than you. Please blink. This is really weird. No sane person goes to this length to get someone to divulge information about a guy they like.”<br/>He clapped, laughing gleefully. <br/>“You said you like him!” He cheered, running a victory lap around the shop. “You said you like him and I’m going to help you text him.”<br/>“Sure thing Mr ‘I’m going to become an American rock star to avoid a simple yes or no question.’”<br/>He ignored her, rushing around the storm to find a notepad and pen, his mind already buzzing with ideas.</p><p>The piece of paper had 29 lines on it, not including the pink margin that ran down the side. The paper was crisp and white, a bright contrast to the yellowing books. One corner curled in on itself and an other had been ripped off.<br/>These were all of the observations Clara had made in the last hour. <br/>The only word written on the paper was “hi.” Next to it was a mess of lines where they had scribbled out the word “hello”.<br/>“I think ‘hi’ is too casual.” Basil scribbled over that word too. “Try ‘salutations.’”<br/>“That may be a tiny bit too much. Are you sure you can actually blend in with the human race?”<br/>“I lived with otters for a while.”<br/>She slumped forward, hoping the notepad would provide some sort of cushioning as her head thudded against the surface of the desk, ignoring the odd stares from a pair of customers who had been browsing the shelves in uncomfortable silence, clearly listening in to the conversation. </p><p>Somewhere in the distance bells could be heard, letting the world know that it was 3pm and letting Clara know that she needed to pick the kids up from school. Relief flooded her at way to escape her over-enthusiastic boss, who was still scribbling away.<br/>“Clara! I’ve done it!” He gasped, running to where she stood at the open door, her chance to flee just out of reach. “I’ve composed the perfect text.” <br/>He thrust the papers into her hands.<br/>“Basil this is four pages long. Double sided. Besides, I already texted him, I told you but you were concentrating and didn’t notice.”<br/>His crestfallen expression was almost too much to bear when she showed him her phone.<br/>“‘Hey, want to go for a drink or something?’ is a rubbish text,” he grumbled, finally conceding and allowing her to go.</p><p> </p><p>In a poorly lit hospital corridor a doctor was chasing an orderly. Outside darkness had fallen and rain was hammering against the window, giving the impression to an ordinary passerby that this was a scene from a horror movie. At least it would have done if they weren’t so comical in their lankiness and potatoness respectively. <br/>John’s shift was finally over, albeit over 3 hours later than expected and his desperation to talk to Clara had been increasing steadily since he had heard the familiar chiming coming from Strax’s direction 6 hours and 37 minutes ago. This, unfortunately, was something Strax either did not understand, or did understand and was using to intentionally anger John.<br/>“You are very lucky I took the Hippocratic oath, my friend,” John growled, finally cornering the smaller man. “Now hand it over.”<br/>“There are still five minutes left of the late shift.”<br/>John groaned, grasping the mans shoulders and leaning forward so they were almost face to face.<br/>“There is a difference between staying late and doing the late shift.”<br/>Strax stared defiantly.<br/>“Give me my phone. Feel free to report me to Vastra, she can dock me five minutes pay if she wants.”<br/>Strax smiled, content with the planned course of action.<br/>“Pleasure doing business with you Doctor.”<br/>The late shift was officially over by the time the phone was back in his hands but unlocking it to find the one thing he had waited all this time for made the whole chase worth it.<br/>Clara: Hey, want to go for a drink or something?<br/>John: sorry work ran late, but if you’re free tomorrow then I’m totally up for it.<br/>John: I had actually invited you for coffee during my lunch break but I was tired and wrote it in the notes app.<br/>John: oh I just realised it’s valentines tomorrow, so it doesn’t have to be tomorrow if there’s going to be loads of other couples going out.<br/>John: not that I’m saying we are a couple.<br/>John: but I’m also not saying we aren’t.<br/>John: I guess I’m saying if you don’t want to go and be surrounded by couples on dates then we don’t have to go for drinks tomorrow.<br/>John: we can go out another time or we can watch a film at my place or something <br/>John: I think that was everything I’ll shut up now.<br/>Clara: you know it’s actually pretty endearing when you send that many texts in a row, right? Film at your place sounds good, but I’m picking the film.</p><p>John resisted the urge to cheer in the middle of the hospital.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WELL HELLO THERE<br/>I stopped binge watching various tv shows and actually powered through how glitchy word is on my iPad to bring you this chapter that was at first intended to be set at Halloween because that’s how behind I am on the plan</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is based on the song Bookstore Girl by Charlie Burg which I very much recommend listening to<br/>Also probably subconsciously based on the other fanfics I’ve been binge reading<br/>Most recent binge read was The IT Guy on fanfiction.net so I am very very sorry if there are any similarities my brain wasn’t producing any other thoughts<br/>Anyway<br/>I’m not really sure where I’m going with this<br/>I'm now going to add that not very much of this was planned out and I am mostly relying on the impulsive goblin side of my brain for decision making so sorry about that</p></blockquote></div></div>
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